The thing with long-distance things…

…is that they are happening between two or more people having a long distance thing between them. Isn’t that the picture perfect example of logic?

Many people won’t agree with me. Most of them think that long-distance things don’t work, especially when it’s a relationship between a guy and a woman. Most of them will say that one day the thought of not being together with someone, of not being able to see the other one, to touch them, will be unbearable, so that you will go out, meet new people, probably cheat on your partner and boom – relationship over, killed by distance. Which you will always blame, it would be too easy to just admit that this person is just a screw-up who has no understanding of “trust” whatsoever. Or who is not capable or too scared of a relationship.
Same goes for long-distance friendships. People will always say you can’t hold up a friendship just over the internet or the phone, without being able to hang out at a Bowling Center, in a club, in a café and just chat away like “normal” people do. There will always be someone claiming that the need of going out, doing things with people your age is some sort of “birthright”, “primeval need” and that one day the people living far away, that you always called “friends” will find someone else to fill the void you opened up inside of them. And before you can even blink, they’re gone.

Well, I have never been in any sort of relationship at all, but I have been in a lot of long-distance friendship, and in some way, I can agree. But mostly, I totally disagree. Sure, it is hard. Only talking to a friend that means so much to you over the phone every now and then, especially if that friend lives in totally different time zone, not being able to spontaneously text them to meet up in town – it’s hard.
I know what I am talking about, because currently, my one closest friend I have here in Düsseldorf is living in Korea with her husband since September 2013, and she won’t be really be home again until the middle of 2015. Our time zones are so screwed up that she is 8 hours ahead of me right now, and when I get up in the morning, she almost gets ready to go to bed again, and due to the fact that we both work all day it is even harder to keep up contact. We try, however, to talk via Skype every now and then, and it always is as if we’ve never been apart. With her being gone, it is like there is a huge part of me missing; when she was still here, we almost met up every two days, even if it was only walking around the city, or going to our favourite Coffee Shop – we almost saw each other daily. It is weird hearing her voice over the phone and not being able to hug her or anything, to hear her opinion on clothes I find in a shop or whatever. Especially this time of year, when we used to hang out together and bake christmas cookies together (alright, not really a tradition, but when we did that for the first time last year, I had planned to make it a tradition), I feel the void inside of me growing bigger every day. I miss her more than I can say, more than it probably seems to her, but I do. She’s a part of me, and with her gone, part of me is gone. She will, however, be back in Germany for at least 3 weeks in 11 days, and I plan on using that short time as much as I can.
Then, my former best friend lives 5 hours away from me, and not having her close to me when we were the best friends anyone could wish for was the hardest thing in my entire life. I sat at home a lot of times, crying at the walls because I wanted her here so much. Time has changed that, sadly, and I even kind of blame the internet and my fear of losing her, that today, we aren’t best friends anymore. But we talk every now and then, and I know it will always be that way now. And what can I say: she’s still important to me in some way, and I will always cherish the time we had back then, deep down in my heart.
My current “best” friend lives 4 hours away from me, in the north of Germany. We see each other every 3 months (it started accidentally, but we’ve discovered it really is every 3 months that I’m visiting her or she comes down here), and it’s safe to say we almost talk/text daily. There’s never this embarassing silence between us – ever – and she’s the one who I can be who I am, the crazy, freaky, slightly obsessed with certain things person without feeling weird or stupid. I love just sitting on a couch with her, watching some TV or movie or series, doing nothing at all. We have insider we laugh about all the time. Just her presence in my life is enough to make me feel safe and happy. Of course we both have our lifes with our jobs and friends here, and she has her boyfriend and family, and a huge lot of times, I feel like punching something or screaming because I couldn’t just spontaneously go and see her in town, hanging out with her. But she’s one of the few persons I feel absolutely safe with saying that this friendship is made for forever. 4-hour traindrive or not.

I also have 8 people in my life that I actually call very good friends, who live all over the UK, two of them in Scotland, and these two I only see once a year – if I’m lucky. My panic of getting on a plane probably doesn’t help alot with that matter. Anyways, I won’t tell you it’s easy not being able to see them or hanging out with them, because it is more than hard. I see them hanging out with each other every now and then, having fun, and I feel left out. Sure, with some I text with almost every day, or sometimes, on the phone, and with others, I talk every now and then and I love it. But I feel I am missing out on a lot in their life, and for me, it’s the worst thing because it feels they are drifting away, that life shoves them into a new, a different direction. And the fact that I am neither very patient nor faithful or confident enough doesn’t really make it better. Hands down: long-distance friendships don’t work without this feeling every now and then. And if it does then you’re probably doing it wrong or are just amazingly strong.

But this all doesn’t matter. Because the moment that you see them again – after a few weeks or months or sometimes, even years – is one of the best you will ever have. The moment you spot them at a train station or at a theatre or at a café or whatever, the moment you see them and cross the pavement or the room to get to them and then, finally, get to hug them again – that moment is absolutely invaluable. You smile at each other, you laugh with each other, and you chat away like you have never been apart for a day. You make the best of the moment, of the time you share with these people that you barely see, and of course, when the moment comes to say goodbye, you’re probably fighting back tears, you’re making promises to not let it be so long again until you see each other again – a promise that in most cases can’t be kept because it’s always life that gets in the way. But the first moment you see them again somewhere, the moment you hold these friends in your arms – it makes up for all the pain you feel while being apart from them, for all the deprivations you live with, for all the times you sat at home, sad, crying, because you missed them around you so damn much.

People tell me to go look for friends here in my city, close to me, but the fact is: I won’t. For once, I am awful at making new friends, I am shy and too scared to make a bad impression. And second, I kind of just don’t want to. Because then I would soon lose the knowledge of this warm, fuzzy feeling when I finally see a long-distance friend again after a long time. To some people it must sound absolutely nuts that in most cases, I would probably always choose a long-distance friendship over a “normal” friend (or the wannabe psychologists would claim I am just scared of closeness).

I don’t care. I love each one of the people I talked about in here, and I will probably always do, if they like it or not. It will never be easy, but the thought of that one invaluable moment keeps me going. And I hope it does the same for the people on the other side of these friendships.