The Freedom Of Being A Respectful Writer

Recently, I have seen and heard a lot of things concerning people writing, may it be on blogs, their facebook profiles, twitter, blogpost, whatever. And to say I am totally indifferent to anything that I have seen or heard is the understatement of the year.

Because I am not.

I am going to be blunt: I don’t have a lot of readers on here, nor will I probably ever have. I only have a handfull of readers that are also my friends, so maybe they feel obliged to do so (which they don’t have to, actually, but hey, I feel honoured, thank you, my loves!). I almost never get any feedback on anything I write unless I’m asking for it (which I do next to never, because, come on, it’s pathetic), or comments on my blog or somewhere where I put the links up. And that is okay. I mean, I am not lying, of course I’d love to have more readers I know of, to have more feedback, to have people saying they love what I have to say on here whenever I post something, that they’d like to read more of me, giving me more positive encouragement so I know I should keep on writing, that what I’m putting into words on here is good stuff – who doesn’t wish for that kind of thing? Even if someone says they don’t do it to be noticed (and I count myself into that very little group, too), deep down, everyone of us wants to be noticed, to be acknowledged and praised. It’s normal, it’s a human thing. And that’s okay. Also, I know I probably will never be as popular with any of the stuff I’m writing as some of the other wordpress/blogpost users, neither will I ever reach the point where people spread my stuff anywhere and talk about it, and that’s also okay. I am not a native english speaker, I was born and raised german, I live in Germany, so it’s natural I can never reach what other, native english writers/bloggers achieve. But I always try my best in writing in english, always have and always will. It bugs me because I despise Germany and speaking german (oh, the irony), but it’s who I am and where I live for now, I can’t change it, and that’s also okay. But there is one thing that’s absolutely NOT okay in my eyes.

Feeling superior over other writers.

As I said, I know there are a lot of good and decent writers out there, people I admire for their writing skills, even if it’s the dumbest things they post on their blogs, I admire their words, can’t get enough of them because they are just plain good and highly entertaining (like my friend Laura’s, blog, check it out, you probably won’t regret it – unless you have a problem with a lot of fangirling or talking about men being naked and stuff 😉 http://mysticmonkey86.wordpress.com/ ). I also know that I am very blessed with the little writing skills I have in english with being german and all. I’m not taking it for granted whenever I have a good idea and can put it into decent words (like my first published short story on here a few months back), and I am always beyond grateful when someone says something nice about that stuff to me (or to be exact, I am always over the moon about it, like I just won the lottery, but saying it out loud makes me look weird, so I’m not going to admit that….oh, wait…). It means an even bigger deal to me if someone on the outside of my life says it, because of course, as a writer, you’re bound to think that when friends say something nice, they do it because, well, they are your friends. I’m not saying the few friends of mine who read my stuff (thank you again!!!) aren’t genuine, because I know for a fact that they are, that they mean it when they compliment me every now and then. But I don’t know, if someone who doesn’t know you, your life, your circumstances or whatever, thinks that what you put into words is good or even great – that is true happiness to me as a hobby writer.

I’m not doing any of my writing purely to be noticed, to be seen and discovered as the next Joanne K. Rowling or Karin Slaughter (good god, no, these two are goddesses!), I’d mostly do it for myself, and you can ask anybody who knows me on twitter or facebook: I NEVER put my link to something I wrote on here anywhere more than once. I post it once, and that’s it. I’m not messaging or tweeting people to make them read it, to tell me what they think (although a lot of times, I really want to because I don’t have a very high opinion on what I write down). I am not spamming them with it, or asking what they think. I’m not sending links to my posts/blogs to strangers, or people I admire, even if I’ve mentioned these people in them (did that a few times at the very beginning of this wordpress thing, but soon felt like an intruder, a creepy and needy little girl, so I was soon done with that). I’m not constantly talking about my blog, not stating how many views I had on here, how “popular” I am on here, and not only because I just simply think: I am not popular at all, in any kind of way. It’s more like it’s annoying the hell out of me that people actually do it. Yes, you can be proud of what you write, I am not saying that it’s wrong to be proud or feel good about it or wanting to talk about it all the time, because of couse, I am often proud of my stuff on here, too. Every writer puts a lot of time and heart into what they put onto paper or on a blog like this. They have these ideas in their heads, or experience something (like in my case, mostly West End shows or musicals in general) that they want to tell the world about, or, just as me, just want to have a place where they can write it all down for themselves, like some kind of therapy. Or some kind of memory to look back on a few months or years later, to look back on that stuff and think: “Oh, I remember that. What a lovely time I had back then.” And it takes a great deal of courage to actually publish something of yours, to put it out into the world for everyone to see.

But sadly, there are judgy people out there. People who think they invented writing, that they have the only right to be recognized, to be acknowledged with what they write. People who are blind to nice words when you want their opinion on your words, who even find the tiniest mistakes in them, no matter how hard you try to take them out (and I can tell you, as a german, I make more mistakes in my words/blogs than I like myself, and I’m always on the edge of castigating myself). There is no nice word whatsover to what you have written down, no nice word of encouragement about all the effort you made to find the words you found in the end. Instead: judgment and this nagging feeling in your stomach, the feeling that you’re just not good enough. That you will NEVER be good enough, no matter how hard you try at being a good writer.

People like that are the worst. They think they are superior because maybe they are better at grammar or articulating themselves, or having better ideas about which they are writing. People like that are always pointing out even the most ridiculous flaws in your stuff because they just can’t take the fact that someone may be as good as they are, maybe sometimes even better. They can’t live with someone taking away their shine, shoving them off the high horse they have put themselves on, or others have done that – which in many cases just isn’t even justified. Because let”s be clear here: if you keep pushing people into reading your stuff, into telling them your opinion, into complimenting you for whatever you have written: that is NOT genuine.

Truth is, people get annoyed if they are pushed into doing that. They start thinking “Oh, for god’s sake, let’s get this over with.” I stand up to what I said before: I WANT my praise, I WANT to be acknowledged, I WANT people to compliment me and spread word about my writing stuff and skills. Jeez, I’m human. I’d be the worst liar in the world if I’d actually claim otherwise. But if I would achieve that by pushing them into doing so, being conscious of the fact that is just NOT genuine if they say it then…I’d rather have nobody saying anything nice to me about my writing at all. I’d rather have real friends enjoying reading my stories and reading about my experiences without ever saying anything to it about me than fake friends who just say it so I shut the hell up about it, so I stop being so full of myself.

In my opinion, being a good writer means being good at articulating yourself (with mistakes allowed, because we’re all human and make mistakes, after all), having just the right ideas and words when you put something down, but also, and that’s even more important, it means being able to acknowledge other writers. Being able to push them into developing more motivation by encouraging them (in a genuine, honest way without just “sugarcoating” because you’re friends), not just showing them their flaws.

Being a good writer means having respect for other writers, instead of putting them down because you think you’re better. It may be true at times, that one writer is better than the other, and maybe both of them even know that. But that does not diminish the fact that respect and decency is the right way in this world. You never know why people write, after all, and what it means to them. Freedom, therapy, fun, whatever, it doesn’t matter. No single writer is actually better than another one.

They’re just different.

And that’s freedom of writing for me.