Christmas should do one.

I’m just gonna say this once and for all.

I HATE Christmas.

I hate how all the people are happy in their unbroken, happy families. With their great relationships. With their money that allows them to have lots of presents. With their great lives where they can’t afford everything and anything without having to work hard for it. With their good health. With their perfect little lives while my life went south the day my father died in April 1994 when I was not even 8 years old. I hate all these people somewhat shoving their perfect lives into other people’s faces.

Basically, I hate the fact I had to be born into a family without money, no good looks, no solidarity between each other, into a family who never had much or tried to give their kids much, and to top it off, had to lose the head of the family to heart failure and got the mother into a relationship with an abusive alcoholic who destroyed my self-esteem and my future and my future relationships and the way I might’ve loved myself.

Yes, I am very resentful. And yes I know I sound like a jealous bitch, and I am. I always envy people growing up with enough possibilities and love and support to fall back on if necessary. Mostly, I can’t even be happy for other to have everything they want and need. I just pretend, especially around the holidays. But I can’t change that.

I do NOT want pity from anybody. I just needed to get this out of my system once and for all & just for fucking Christmas to end and at best never come back again, because the only good thing about it are 3 days off work every year.

January can’t come soon enough.