I have been thinking alot about this recently, and although this was originally planned as only a theatre blog, I’ve decided to give it a go and post the first few lines / the first part of a Fanfiction I started to write a few years back.
It’s based on the New Zealand TV Series “The Tribe” that is set in a future where a violent virus has killed all grown-ups; kids are on their own, and for survival reasons, they gather together in crowds, so-called “Tribes”. My story is set at the end of Season 5, where the Main Tribe, called “Mallrats” is on a boat away from the city where a computer has just freed an even more violent virus that forced Amber, the Mallrats’ Leader, her baby son, her boyfriend Jay and all their friends to leave their beloved home and city. Now they are shipping into an unknown future. (For further informations on the characters – if you want to know – please check http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tribe_%28TV_series%29, as apparently I can’t spread out all details on here :/)
As this is the first time I post one of my stories publicly, I hope people will be kind with me after reading it.
~ Back from the Dead~
Amber woke up from a disturbing and confusing, yet wonderful dream. She and Bray were in one of those houses Alice had owned when she had lived outside the city on the farm of her parents with her sister Ellie. She had had Baby Bray on her arm, and Bray held her close to his right shoulder, sitting on a bench and staring into the sunset. Amber knew that this was far from bring real – Alice and Ellie were still missing since months ago the Chosen and then the Technos had taken over the city, and Bray…well.
Bray was officially confirmed dead.
Deleted, she thought to herself, not letting the bitter truth get to her. In her life, there would never be a proof of his death, neither was there any way she would ever forget the words written on one of Mega’s screens in the Techno headquarter back then. As the thought came into her mind, she remembered with whom she shared her life now, and reached beside her, to the other side of the bed.
It was empty.
Amber opened her eyes and looked around. She suddenly realized she wasn’t lieing in her own bed in the Mall. To her right was a small, round window, and through it, she saw nothing but the blue ocean. She propped herself up on her elbows and looked out of the small bullseye, and all the memories of the last days came back to her mind. The fight between Ram and Mega, Zoot twisted in their middle. The explosion. The release of the aggressive virus that would eat up the whole city within an instant. The flight on the boat, far away from all the danger, into an uncertain future for all of them.
Amber sighed, the she stood up and walked over to the small crib where her son lied, sleeping and breathing quietly. She touched his cheek, his nose, feeling her pain coming up again, because we would never be able to meet his father. She shook her head, holding her tears back. Bray was gone. Jay was her life now. It was time to stop looking behind.
She dressed herself, then went out of the cabin to look for him.
‘Since when are you up?’
Jay turned around, and when his eyes spotted Amber, he started smiling. His brown eyes were shining at the sight of her, yet there was some distance in them. His blond hair was standing up from his head, making clear that he wasn’t up that long. Amber smiled herself as she saw it. She just loved him more when it looked like that.
‘About an hour ago. Did I wake you?’
‘No, I had a dream, that’s it.’
‘Bray?’ Jay looked at her, and she knew that he didn’t need any answer. Since they got on the boat 8 days ago, Amber had dream after dream about him, and even if he wasn’t jealous at all, because he knew that Bray would always be a part of her life, he was worried about her. He knew she was feeling guilty of leaving the city, no matter whether it had been a life saving decision or not. He knew that day in, day out, she was thinking about all the possibilities of finding Bray that were gone now.
Jay knew exactly how she felt. He felt the same, although he refused to admit it, neither to Amber, nor to himself.
Amber nodded, and the sadness and the pain in her eyes made Jay’s heart ache. He opened his arms, letting her come to him to get the comfort she needed so much.
‘What was it about?’
‘Just the usual, you know.’
There was a silence while they were standing together, arm in arm, and no sound was there except the rush of the ocean around them. After a minute, Amber looked up to Jay, and she saw that his view was stuck in the distance.
‘What do you think, when will we hit solid ground? Last night, while you were on guard with Lex, Trudy and I tried to calm the others down. They’re getting nervous, Jay. They need a home.’
‘We’re getting closer.’
Amber followed his gaze, and what she saw made her heart jump in her chest. Far in the distance, she could see something. It was just some outlines, but still…
‘What is that?’
‘The coast. About 200 miles away.’ He looked down at her. ‘We almost made it.’
Amber was too dazzled to answer. She looked back at the coast the boat was slowly getting closer to. Now that she knew what it was, she could see the outlines of some trees, and she even thought she could see some roofs, although they weren’t close enough yet to really be sure about that.
‘I should wake the others’, Amber said and turned to walk back to the cabins, then stopped walking as Jay went on talking.
‘We don’t even know what’s out there, Amber. It could be a city. It could be a jungle. It could be a place of complete desaster. Or it could just be nothing.’
Amber looked at him, noticing the pain in his voice. She knew that leaving the city had been as hard for him as it had been for her and the others. As herself, he had left hope behind, hope to find his brother again one day. For all they knew, he had also been deleted as Ram had found out that he was working against him behind his back. And for all they knew, his destiny was the same as Bray’s. For a second, Amber looked back, her gaze into the distance, to the place they left ages ago, it seemed to her. Although it was impossible to even make out any outlines, she imagined to see columns of smoke rising up from what they used to call home. She felt her heart ache at the thought of all the bad but also good memories. The Mallrats had been celebrating a double-wedding. The antidote for the virus that had killed all grown-ups had been created by Tai-San, one of the now missing members of them. She and Bray had shared their first kiss back then after a journey to Hope Island…
Amber shook her head. She won’t allow her thoughts going there. It would just hurt too much. And it was past. What lay in front of them was important now. She had to be strong.
‘Whatever it is, Jay, it’s our only chance. There’s no other way we could turn to. I don’t believe our fuel will last that much longer, even if Lex and Slade manage to find a way to save some of it. It’s all or nothing. And who knows,’ she said, stepping closer to him, ‘we may find a new home there. Wherever ‘there’ is.’
Jay still looked at the outlines of the coast that were growing as the boat moved on. From behind them, somewhere deep down in the cabins, he could hear the sounds of the other Mallrats making rustling noises.
‘Alright, go wake the others. We need to get ready to go ashore.’ Jay felt Amber squeezing his hand behind his back, then he heard her opening the cabin doors, quietly waking their friends one after another. He even could hear Lex complaining that it was way too early to even think about getting up.
Jay concentrated his gaze onto the ocean. We’re getting closer, he thought again, then slowly closed his eyes.
Two weeks later.
From what Amber and Jay could see after the last days, they could hardly believe they had been so worried about their new place; it had turned out that the place they went ashore was almost exactly what they had been looking for.
It was a city, which everyone discovered with great relief. More, it seemed to have quite a similarity with the home they had to leave, and after an hour, they’ve already found what they had been looking for: a Mall. It wasn’t as big as their old home, but it had plenty of space for everyone. And after a week of exploring tours, everyone was sure: this was the place they would be staying. It was less touched by vandalism, and they’ve also found a storage of canned food, besides some fields where they could plant their own vegetables and fruits. It seemed like the perfect place to stay for the rest of their lives. They had met plenty of other kids out there, most of them suspicious, but different from what Jay, Amber and the other Mall Rats had been experiencing in their past, less aggressive and after a while, more than friendly.
For Ruby, who still was mourning about the loss of her beloved saloon in Liberty, it was like heaven as after a few days of looking around she had found the perfect place to reinvent her saloon here. It was a small liquor store, which, with the help of Slade, Lex and Jay, she restored and re-opened after only one week. Everyone could see that she was getting happier with every customer that stepped into her bar, praising her for the great work she had done there.
Cloe and Lottie had found some friends whom they were hanging out most of the time, so that the other Mall Rats didn’t see much of them during the day. Amber was glad that Cloe had found a way to get over the loss of Ved. After he had disappeared, she had buried herself into caring for Brady and Baby Bray, just to avoid thinking about him too much. Amber knew exactly what she had been going through.
Apart from that, everything was going as it had been going back at their old home. Lex, Slade and Darryl were out a lot, trying to find signs of rebellion against them, just to knock them down immediately. Amber couldn’t believe Lex was really thinking that this city needed some kind of sheriff. It seemed to be a complete difference to their old city, less violent and in no need for any order coming from the outside. Amber already started to see the world she had known back then, before the virus. A world without fighting for your life every single day. A world where her son could grow up safely.
Only Jay was the only one who didn’t seem to be happy that they’ve found a new home so fast. He had turned much more silent than he usually was, and often, Amber thought she saw some kind of pain in his eyes when he looked at her or talked to her. She began to wonder whether he – contrary to his assertions – was hurt by the dreams she had about Bray and that kept coming back almost every night. More, she had the feeling that he was mad at Bray for being such a big part in her life although there was no chance that he would ever step back into her life again.
It was ridiculous, Amber thought. She knew Jay well enough to know that he was honest with her when he said that everything was alright, had known it from the moment they had met back then when he had been a Techno general under Ram’s command. Maybe it was just their relocation. Or maybe he still mourned over the loss of Ved, whom he had promised to keep safe for the rest of his life; a promise that had been broken by Ram by deleting him, and that probably made him feel more guilty than he was willing to admit. Or, she thought, maybe it was a different guilt that made his gaze look so empty so many times she looked him in his eyes.
Ebony.
Thinking of her old enemy made Amber shiver. Since the attack on her sister Siva, where Java, her other sister, had jumped in on and died by being struck by one of the Technos’ zappers, Ebony had barely spoken a word. She was lethargic, and not even Siva, who had also to cope with Java’s death and who always had shared a much closer bond with Ebony was able to drag her out of this behavior. Jay had tried to talk to her a couple of times, but apart from a blink from time to time, she remained silent. Amber knew that he had to fight against the thought that it was his fault that Ebony was a mess, because he made the wrong choices when he had been a member of the Technos, starting with his forbidden relationship with Ebony over closing his eyes on the experiments Ram had practiced on citizens up to the point where it had been too late to control neither Ram nor Mega. Amber had tried to tell him that nothing of that had been his fault at all; he had been a loyal friend to both of them and that had made him shut his eyes to the truth. This circumstance was only aggravated by the fact that Slade, who distracted himself from the situation Ebony was caught in, kept telling Jay that without him, his girlfriend wouldn’t be an empty shell of pain and lethargy. Amber decided she had to talk to Jay about this as soon as he was back from his patrol. She couldn’t stand things not being out in the open.
‘Oh come on, get out of here, in case you don’t want to wake up in a cell tomorrow!’
A confused looking boy stumbled towards Amber as she approached the Liberty Bar. With him, he carried the strong smell of alcohol, and she instinctively stepped aside as he passed her, waving from side to side. When she looked in front of her again, she saw Ruby standing at the entrance of the bar, hair bound back into a ponytail braided strands on each side and both hands on her hips. The expression on her face was disbelieving and furious at the same time, but as her eyes caught sight of Amber, it faded and she started smiling from one ear to another.
‘As always, you’re arriving just as the big fun is over,’ she said, hugging Amber. Her smile faded when she saw the worried expression on her face. ‘What’s going on?’
Amber followed her inside the bar. Almost every table was occupied, and the sound of laughter filled the air. Ruby led her to the bar itself, pouring her a soda and waiting for her to sit down on one of the stools. One of the guests waved at her, asking for service, and Ruby looked around, searching for Darryl, who had promised to help her out today. She saw him standing at the back door and shouted: ‘Hey, Darryl! Could you take over here, please?’ He nodded, obviously annoyed, but stepped over to the table where the guest was still waving his hand. Ruby turned her attention back to Amber.
‘Busy today, huh?’ Amber asked, taking a sip of her soda.
‘Yes, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Anyway, what’s the matter?’
Amber looked at her and took a long sigh before telling Ruby everything that was going on in her head recently. They didn’t know each other for long, but Ruby had become a good friend of hers, and she was glad she could talk about her worries with someone who did not live inside their Mall and could analyze the situation in all objectivity. When she had finished, Ruby looked at her and asked, ‘Did you ever confront him with your thoughts? I mean, directly?’
‘I tried. We talked a lot about Mega and what happened back then, but he never mentioned Ved. And honestly, I understand it. The way he disappeared…Ruby, it was probably one of the hardest things ever for Jay. Being betrayed by a friend, who had always been kind of a mentor to both of them, a betrayal that led to the death of Ved…I just didn’t want to make things harder for him than they already are. He will talk about it when he’s ready.’ Contrary to the security that lay in her voice, Amber felt everything else but secure.
‘Alright. What about this stuff with Ebony? You don’t want to tell me you two never talked about it, do you? I mean, it’s practically the thing that’s most present at the Mall. Jay talked to Ebony himself a couple of times, as you said. And the tension between him and Slade must be exhausting. I mean, even for me it is annoying, although I barely see him for more than five minutes a day. But you can almost feel his anger, and I am not very sensitive at these kind of things, I can tell you.’
Amber nodded, as to indicate she understood what Ruby was up to. ‘Of course we did talk. But actually, everything’s evolving around how to make Ebony feel better, not how it all came together in the first place.’ She paused. ‘See, that’s why my gut tells me that my dreams about Bray are the reason for his behavior. Every time I wake up from a disturbing sleep, he asks me whether I am okay or not, and I can see the pain in his eyes. And I know he would never admit that these dreams leave him helpless, too. He’s hurt, Ruby.’
A long silence followed. Ruby wasn’t the kind of person that went out of words easily, Amber knew that. She always had a snappy comment on her lips, no matter how difficult a situation was. To see her so quiet now was enough confirmation that she really cared about what was going on.
Eventually, Ruby said, ‘You should talk to him. Seriously? What else can happen other than him being mad? You’re strong Amber, and during the last year, you have dealt with much more difficulties than any normal person would be able to handle. Moreover, you love each other, and love is a strong force.’ She shook her head, then took a wet rag and started wiping over the surface of the bar. ‘God, I sound like one of these old television psychiatrists!’
Later that evening.
Amber sat on her bed, Baby Bray in her arms. He pulled on her Zulu braids, squeaking with joy. She smiled at him, and her heart ached by the thought of how much he resembled his father. Then her eyes caught sight of a picture that showed Jay and her, arm in arm, and the pain was a little easier to take. Although Baby Bray wasn’t his child, Jay cared for him like a father. When he woke up at night and heard him screaming, he often was the one who took him out of his crib and walked him around until he felt asleep again. He made him laugh. And even if the pain of losing Bray would never fade away, Amber was glad that Jay was such a great substitute father for her son. And somehow, she thought, Bray was watching and very proud of her.
She heard a noise and winced. She already started to get up when Jay entered their room, a tired expression on his face. He kissed her, then sat beside her on the bed. His right hand stroked the baby’s forehead, who had finally fallen asleep.
‘Kept you awake the whole evening?’
‘Not more than usual. I couldn’t sleep, though. How was patrol?’
Jay shrugged. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary. It seems quite creepy that it’s much quieter than what we are used to. What about here?’
‘Everything’s okay, I guess. Siva brought Ebony some of her favorite fruits today. She looked around the whole city to find them, you know? And Ebony…well, she just ate them without any further notice. I don’t know how long we all will be able to cope with her not getting better.’
‘What are we supposed to do?’, Jay asked and looked at her, his face emotionless. ‘We can’t leave her alone right now. I don’t have the best memories about her, and neither have you, but she’s a Mallrat, Amber. She needs us.’
‘I know, that wasn’t what I was trying to say, it’s just…’ she sighed. ‘Jay, it’s Ebony. She used to be the strongest person I’ve ever seen. Even being rejected by Bray more than once never broke her, and she always claimed to hate Java for what she had done to her and Siva. It’s like who lies in her bed right now isn’t her anymore.’
Jay nodded. ‘That’s what’s keeping you up?’
Amber stood up and carefully put her son back in his crib. She pulled the sheet up his chest and stared at him for a moment.
‘Amber?’ Jay’s voice seemed to come from a different universe. ‘That’s what keeping you up?’, he repeated.
‘Look, I wasn’t gonna mention it, but with all that’s going on recently, I think it’s time we talk.’
Jay silently looked at her as she turned around and sat beside him on the bed again. Her hands began to play with the ring Bray had given her back then at the Ecos headquarter, and she stared at Jay.
‘I know, the last year hasn’t been easy for either of us. We both lost people we cared about, people we loved. Family. And I understand that this changes everyone. Every single one of us had to deal with stuff that, under normal circumstances, no one our age would’ve been able to get over with. And it also made us stronger.’ She paused. ‘But to be strong doesn’t mean you should keep all that’s troubling you for yourself, lock your thoughts behind a wall in your head.’
‘Yeah, I know that’, Jay replied, looking away. Somehow, it seemed that he was more far away now than before.
‘Then talk to me, Jay’, Amber said, ‘Tell me what’s going on with you. Since we got here, you’re not yourself anymore. You’re quieter than I’ve ever seen you. Most of the time, you’re all by your-self. Lottie even told me once that you screamed at her, just because she was looking for something in here. That’s so unlike you. What is it? Ebony? I told what happened wasn’t your fault. No one could have known what would happen.’
‘This has nothing to do with her.’
‘What is it, then? Ved?’ Amber took Jays hand into hers, squeezing it. ‘Look, I know how you feel. I lost my sister to the virus. And Dal, he…’ She swallowed. ‘He wasn’t my brother, but he was my best friend, and the closest thing I had to a brother. I loved him with every inch of my heart, and he was taken away from me just like Ved was taken away from you. I know how hard it is to keep going on, Jay, I really do. But you should stop blaming yourself for it. The promise you gave your mother before she died, to keep him safe, you kept it as long as you could.’ She stopped, looking at him, but he was still avoiding her gaze. Then she let out her biggest fear. ‘Or is it because of Bray? Look, Jay, I know I will never be able to forget him, no matter how much I try to. He’s part of my life, always will be. And to be honest, I don’t want to forget him. He gave me my beautiful son, and yes, I still love him. A part of me will always love him. We both talked about it, you said you were alright with it, that you’d understand. I’m sorry that I keep having these dreams, and I wish I could control them, make them stop, but I can’t. I just can’t. And of all people, I thought you would be the person who’s most understanding. And I love you not only for that, Jay.’ Amber made him look at her again, but what she saw, let her wince. There was an anger in his eyes she’d never seen before, and more. Endless pain.
‘It’s not about Ebony, or Ved, or Bray, or whoever you think this is about, alright? I don’t care about any of them right now. I’m trying to move on here, don’t you see that? I try my best to make this work.’ For a moment, Amber wasn’t sure whether he was still talking about their tribe or their relationship. ‘I’m trying, Amber, I really do. But everybody keeps questioning me about my past. I know I’m not flawless. I made mistakes, and I can’t change what happened. And that’s the worst thing. But at least, I am myself. I am me.’
Amber looked at him; she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. And she was thinking about when this conversation had turned into an argument. ‘What the hell is wrong with you, Jay?’ That’s not you.’
‘You have no idea who I am, Amber. No idea.’ He stood up and started pacing around the room.
‘Then tell me. Let me know you.’
Jay turned towards her, and when he saw how helpless she stared at him, all his anger disappeared. ‘I just…I just don’t know what to do anymore. It’s killing me inside.’
‘What is it?’, Amber asked and pulled him gently back onto the bed. Again, he avoided her gaze, like he’d be ashamed of what he had said before. ‘What’s killing you?’
‘I can’t get it out of my head. Her face. The way she looked at me, when she left.’
‘Who left?’
‘Rochelle’, he replied, his voice barely more than a whisper.
‘Who is she?’
Jay finally looked at her. Tears had started to well up in his eyes.
‘My girlfriend.’
The door slammed shut. Jay just stood there, his heart thumping in his chest, blood pumping through his veins. He felt like he’d never been that angry in his whole life, and he still couldn’t believe what had just happened. That she really had just walked out on him like that.
‘What the hell was that?’ Ved came from upstairs, suspiciously staring at him. He hadn’t slept for days, the rings under his eyes almost looked pitch black, and his skin had taken over a pale color. The sweater he was wearing looked like it had seen better days, and it didn’t really fit him as he had lost weight. He seemed to have aged about thirty years during the past few days. Since their mother had become a victim of the virus.
‘Nothing, Ved. Go back upstairs, everything’s fine.’
‘Yeah, of course. Is that why your face has the same purpur tone like uncle Marty’s, every time something got to him?’ Ved stared at him, a blank expression in his blue eyes. ‘Stop treating me like I’m made of glass, Jay.’
Jay looked at him. His brother kept his gaze, not even flinching. ‘Rochelle. She walked out on me.’
Ved asked, ‘What’s that supposed to mean? She dumped you?’
‘Looks like it. Actually, I don’t care. Maybe it’s better this way.’
‘Come on, you don’t want to tell me she just said that it’s over and left? What was this doorslamming about?’
‘Actually, Ved, it’s none of your business. We have much more important things to do. We run out of food. I need to get out and grab some as long as the shops are open. Who knows when…’ He stopped, not willing to say it out loud. To talk about how long it would last until there were no grown-ups left just made it too real.
‘Actually,‘ Ved said, ‘it is my business. I’m sick of you not wanting to tell me anything, just because mom died. You think I don’t get that you and Rochelle were fighting for days? Do you seriously think I didn’t hear you two arguing about some stupid decisions? I’m not retarded.’
Jay stared at him, realizing again how much Ved had aged. Finding their mother in her bedroom one week ago – or at least, what the virus had left of her, – had changed him forever. He wasn’t the little, annoying brother anymore who always seem to step in on him and Rochelle in the most inappropriate moments.
‘We had a fight. I told her we need to shift a course down. That I need to take care of you and our life now, and that I can’t be with her 24/7. Things have changed, and things will change from now on. Nothing’s gonna be like it used to. I tried to make her understand, but all she was saying was that for her things were clear, that I wouldn’t give a damn about our relationship. She accused me of only caring for my own good, to put everything over our relationship. I got mad, telling her that you were the only family I had left, and that I promised mom that I wouldn’t ever let anything come between that, and asked her if she was too cold-hearted to understand that family is the most important thing there is.’
‘Let me guess: she was quite pissed off.’
Jay nodded. ‘You know what she said? She said that her family was everything for her, but that her father and her mother both showed signs of the virus. They both told her to leave, because they didn’t want her to see them suffer. Rochelle didn’t want to, but she decided to let them both down, to live with me. She…she said it was my fault, because she thought I would be glad she wanted to be with me, leaving her parents to die alone. Then she said it obviously had been a bad idea because I wouldn’t feel the same about her, and that she should’ve known I would never let you down, that I put you over everything else.’ He laughed vacantly. ‘I mean, what was she thinking? That I would leave my brother for her? To go somewhere with her, abandon you? She should know me better. There’s no way I would ever do that, even without the promise I gave mom.’
‘So she dumped you because of me?’
As he heard the pain in Ved’s voice, Jay’s anger disappeared. He looked at his little brother, who was still standing at the staircase, looking like he was lost. And he was lost. All of them were lost now.
‘This has nothing to do with you, Ved. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I thought Rochelle and I…that it was something good. She was just selfless and egoistical, and I am glad it’s over.’
‘Where’s she now? Back to her parents?’
Jay shook his head. ‘She said something about a train that is leaving town this evening. It’s supposed to bring all kids under eighteen out of here, to get them out of the danger zone. She asked me if I was really convinced I didn’t want to join her, and I just stared at her. Then she left.’
Amber looked at Jay, her mind still processing the story he had just told her.
‘Did you see her again after that?’
‘No. After my anger had disappeared, I decided it wasn’t a good idea to separate like that, with this fight between us. I went to her place to talk to her, because I thought she’d be there, telling her parents goodbye for the last time.’ He paused, and Amber felt tears welling up in her eyes when she thought about the moment she had left town back then. Her father had insisted that she would leave him before he died. He had insisted that she wouldn’t ever turn back. And Amber had followed his request. She had kissed and hugged him for the last time, then she and Dal had left Bellevue Heights.
‘But when I got there, I didn’t need to go inside the house to know it was over. I knew she hadn’t come back there. When she had left my parents’ house, she must had been going straight to the train station. I knew it was too late to catch it, so I went back home. I’ve never talked to her again.’
‘Do you know where she went to?’
Before Jay talked again, she felt that something was going on. The way his shoulders suddenly slumped. The tears that had disappeared during the middle of his story, suddenly came back into his eyes.
‘I don’t know where the train was supposed to bring them. Maybe if my mother would’ve made us go, too, I would know, but by the time the news announced that they were preparing trains to bring the kids out of town, she was too weak to make any decisions.’
‘I remember the train,’ Amber said, ‘Some of my friends were brought away. I never heard of them again. Dal and I went to look for a farm out of town, but as you know, we ended up in the Mall. I just hope they all made it out of the danger zone, far away from the virus.’
‘They didn’t.’
Jay’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper, and again, he avoided Amber’s gaze. He stared in front of him, his eyes finding some spot in the far past.
‘The night the train had started off, it had an accident. I don’t know exactly what happened, but some of the gas tanks must’ve gotten too hot. There was a huge explosion. No one survived. It was all over the news.’
‘Oh my god.’ Amber finally saw things clicking together. After her fight with Jay, Rochelle had gotten on the train as fast as she could. They’d never talked again, clearing things up. And she had died in the accident. Jay never had a chance to make it right again.
‘Jay, I…I am so sorry!’ She turned to him, holding him in her arms. She felt his tears falling down on her chest, heard his silent sobs. After a while, she let go of him, and he looked at her, his eyes red-rimmed.
‘I felt so guilty, Amber. When I found out what had happened, it was like I died again. First my father who got killed just before the virus broke out, through a bank-robbber’s bullet, then seeing my mother suffer from her disease, and then Rochelle. I wanted to die so badly, Amber. I felt like it was all my fault. For days, I didn’t eat anything, nothing made sense to me anymore. Even Ved didn’t mean anything to me. I didn’t care about him suffering over our parents’s death, or the situation in town that was going out of hand more and more. I wished that the virus would get a hold of me, too. Because I felt that it would’ve been the only punishment that would make it all right again.’ He paused, taking a long breath. ‘It was a week later, that I finally woke up from this lethargy. I was sitting in my room, staring at the walls and thinking about the possibilities to end my pain, when I heard a loud crash in our living room. I ran downstairs and saw Ved lying on the floor. He had collapsed out of sheer exhaustion. It was the moment I realized what he had been going through these past days. I saw his bones sticking out of his pale skin. It was the moment I knew I had to do something. Ved and I packed all of the things that we seemed to need and left the house. Two days after that, we met Ram and started our new life with the Technos, leaving everything else behind. But I never forgot the way Rochelle had looked at me that day. It was like she knew something would happen, that she was saying goodbye and just wanted to see me one last time. And I never forgot how guilty I felt since then. I keep having dreams about her every night. I can’t forget it, Amber. I moved on, but this whole last year, she never really disappeared, she was in my mind all the time. And when you told me about the dreams you had about Bray, the guilt you felt because you left the city and the possibility to maybe find him one day, no matter what you’ve seen at Mega’s place back then…’
‘It all came back to your mind,’ Amber finished his sentence, nodding. Now she knew why Jay had been so quiet all this time, and she felt stupid, thinking about why it never had occured to her that the reason for his recent behaviour lay in his past. She took Jay’s hands into hers, nothing’s coming to her mind that would make his pain go away. She knew how he felt; she had felt like that for the past months. When she looked at Jay, he took her into his arms. They sat like that for hours, until the sun went down and they finally went to bed, Baby Bray silently breathing in his crib right beside them.
‘I’m sorry, but we’re out of rooms at the moment,’ Ruby answered the young couple standing in front of her. They looked exhausted, like they’ve been walking around for days without proper hours of sleep and food. The girl’s blonde hair fell lose over her shoulders, and she seemed to have difficulties to keep her eyes open. The boy looked a bit more awake, but still, the way he looked around with his hazelnut brown eyes, his hair slightly flying with these movements, told Ruby that there was nothing he wanted more than a bed and a bowl of food. There was something about both of them that made Ruby feel uncomfortable for no particular reason.
‘Are you sure?’ Can’t you check again?’ It was almost breaking Ruby’s heart how desperate the two of them looked, although she had always told herself not to let personal feelings interfere with work issues.
‘I’m sorry,’ she repeated, noticing that except a small backpack, both of them had no luggage with them. The girl nodded, flashing a short smile at Ruby.
‘No problem at all. We’ll find something else. Thank you anyways.’ They both turned around, and Ruby could hear them whispering.
‘I told you we should’ve gone directly where we planned to go. Didn’t you say there’ll be enough place for sure, anyways?’
‘And I told you we can’t. I can’t. Not yet.’
The girl’s shoulders slumped, as she opened the door. Suddenly, an idea stroke in Ruby’s mind, and she shouted, ‘Hey, wait!’ Both of them stopped, turning back to Ruby. In the boy’s eyes, she noticed worry, but in the girl’s, there was something else. Hope.
‘I might know a place where you could stay for a while. Let me just talk to someone.’
‘So, where you’re from?’
Ruby put two glasses of soda in front of the young couple while they were waiting for Amber. She had used the wrist transmitter that the Technos had used back then and that Darryl still used sometimes to contact the Mall Rats. As usual, when she told everyone about the young couple needing a place to stay for a couple of days, Lex and Slade had refused to give them shelter.
‘We don’t even know what this place is, who they are! I’m not gonna let two strangers in here this time, Amber,’ Lex said, ‘this is not an animal shelter, you know?’
‘Lex’s right,’ Slade agreed, crossing both arms over his chest. ‘We still haven’t adjusted to this place, we barely know the people around and moreover, we have our own issues at the moment.’
Eventually, both of them were being overruled by the others. Everyone agreed that the way this city had given them shelter, a home, they should give something back to the two young people.
Now Ruby, the boy and the girl waited for Amber to pick them up. They both seemed relieved, and their exhaustion was almost tangible. But while the girl drank her soda like someone who had spent the last few weeks in the desert, the boy only stared into his glass, running his fingers over its edges.
‘So far away that sometimes I don’t even know if we’re still in the same country,’ the girl said, laughing dry.
‘We are,’ the boy said, and Ruby didn’t know if he was also trying to make a joke or wanted to remind his girlfriend not to be silly.
‘God, where are my manners,’ Ruby said, shaking her head and stretching out her hand. ‘Im Ruby. And you are…?’
Something weird was going on. The two young people in front her changed a fleeting glance, and suddenly, she was sure that the next thing they would say would be a lie.
‘I’m…Grace,’ the girl said, then pointing to her boyfriend. ‘That’s Lucas.’
Lucas looked at Ruby, and suddenly, she felt like she knew him from somewhere. His green eyes looked exhausted but had a determined expression n them that Ruby had only seen once: when Amber had told her back then that she would not ever give up until Mega had paid for what he had done to the city. She could see exactly the same expression in Lucas’ eyes as he stared at her intensively.
Grace must’ve felt the tension that had been built up between Ruby and her boyfriend, because she said, ‘Is it really okay that we stay at your friend’s place? I mean…we’re intruders. We don’t want anyone to have to bother for us, really.’
Ruby smiled at her, glad she could focus on something else than Lucas’ piercing green eyes.
‘Don’t worry,’ she said, ‘Amber is probably the kindest person I’ve ever met. She’ll be glad to help you.’
Something was going on with Lucas. His eyes widened, and his hands that were still playing with his glass, suddenly started shaking uncontrollably. He stood up, the stool he was sitting on falling to the floor with a loud bang. He stared at Grace, then bolted out of the saloon without further comment. For a second, Grace just stood there, staring at the door. Then she seemed to wake up, jumped over the stool and ran after him, shouting ‘Hey, wait!’
Ruby ran to the door, seeing both Grace and Lucas standing in front of a pile of old wheels. She heard Lucas saying ‘I can’t…I just can’t,’ over and over again. When he noticed her staring at them, he whispered something to Grace, and she turned around. Both girls stared at each other for a moment, then Grace mouthed ‘Sorry,’ and she and Lucas disappeared behind the saloon. Ruby just stood there, not able to realize what had just happened. A moment later, she shook her head and went back in as she heard a customer calling out for a new drink.
Amber listened to the story Ruby was telling her. She soaked in every information, because despite the fact that the young couple, Grace and Lucas, apparently didn’t want to be helped, she was determined to give them shelter. She didn’t even know why. Maybe it was the fact that Ruby had told her about their both medical condition: malnourished and as tired as someone who may not even know anymore what sleep felt like.
‘They just ran away? Without any word?’
Ruby shrugged and said, ‘Well, that girl, Grace, she said sorry, but I don’t even know if she was honest about that.’ She snorted. ‘Anyways, I’m sorry to have bothered you to come out here for…this. I don’t know what got into me, playing the good samatarian for two runaway kids.’
‘Do you know where they were heading off to?’
‘Are you serious?’, Ruby answered, staring at her, blankly. ‘I just told you that they clearly don’t want any help, and you…what? You still want to go look for them?’
Amber didn’t know how to answer. In a way, Ruby was right, it was obvious that her help wasn’t needed anymore. She knew she should just get back to the Mall and take care of the ones that somehow depended on her. She had her own problems, the insomnia still kept her awake at night, even if Jay finally managed somehow to get rid of most of his nightmares. And there was still the unsolved situation with Ebony. She knew she should rather focus on the problems in her own life.
Instead, she said, ‘I just want to know if they’re okay. I know what it’s like, not to know where you belong, not having a place to go to.’
‘And what if they run away again?’
‘Well, at least I can say that I tried what I could.’
Ruby looked at her, then she sighed and said ´, ‘You’re way too good for this world, you know that, right?’
Amber slowly made her way through the forest behind Ruby’s bar. She was thankful that back then, when she was found by the Eco-Tribe, Pride had been determined to make her learn how to read tracks, whether it’s animal tracks or the ones that two pair of shoes leave behind when strolling through thick undergrowth. Branches were broken, separated in the middle. It hadn’t rained for about a week, but somehow, the floor was still slightly wet, and Amber saw two pairs of footsteps in a small puddle of mud right in front of her. She looked up and allowed her ears to be the only senses that took in impressions. Pride had been impressed when he had first seen Amber shot a bird with an arrow, without even seeing it, only by trusting her hearing. He had never seen anyone who was able to shut off all the other senses, and when he had first told her that, Amber had been more than proud on herself. And now, she knew, that all the long hunting lessons with Pride would pay off once again.
Suddenly, she heard a rustling noise coming right in front of her. She ducked, making her way through thick branches, covering her face so she wouldn’t get any scratches. Then she saw a movement, just a slight one, but enough to know that she had found the two kids that had left Ruby standing in front of her bar, startled. While she was rushing through the woods, she tried to remember their names. She knew Ruby had told her, but while the adrenalin was rushing through her veins, she had difficulties to concentrate.
‘Grace! Lucas!’, she yelled, when she finally remembered. ‘Wait! I’m here to help you!’ Amber could still see someone running away from her, and she tried to run a bit faster. ‘If you’re in trouble, we’ll help you! You can stay with us as long as you need to!’
Eventually, she thought she couldn’t run anymore. Her breath came in sharp gasps, when suddenly, first one pair of shoes appeared, then, another. She stopped, looking right into the eyes of the couple that had tried to get away from her so desperately.
For a moment, all Amber could do was staring at them, while she was trying to get her heartbeat to slow down.
Grace was…beautiful. Although her long blond her seemed out of order from the long run, it still had a shiny glance. Her face had a olive tone, which clearly came from being out in the open, but under her eyes, Amber could see dark rings. Her clothes looked surprisingly good, given the circumstances.
You Only Live Once. 