Carrie – Southwark Playhouse 16.05.15

A – for me – long anticipated piece of musical theatre. And, as one of the biggest Stephen King fans I ever came across, a must-see. I loved the book, and the movie is one of the scariest I can remember. So right from the beginning, it had a lot of expectations to fulfil for me. From the day it opened, the reviews I saw were raving about the show, had nothing but praise for it’s display, it’s actors, it’s songs…safe to say I was beyond excited.

The moment I came into the room where the stage was, the atmosphere had instantly captured me completely.

It was a very small, intimate room with not much seating, and the stage was set right in the middle, with no barriers anywhere – you could stumble and would be slap bang the center of attention. The surroundings were perfectly chosen: creepy sounds, like the whistling of the wind, creaking doors and whatnot surrounded the audience while they waited for the show to start. What was clear right from the start for me that due to the proximity to the stage and the play, it would be very easy for the ones close to the first two rows to really feel with everyone on stage, to feel even more captured and personally involved.

The show itself…what can I say that hasn’t already been said enough? It was brilliant. Absolutely mindblowingly, breathtakingly brilliant. What Gary Lloyd and his team have done out of the book and the movie left me absolutely speechless. The choice of songs that have been created – beautiful. “In”, right the first song at the opening of the show – it has such an immense power inside, the vocals carry you along with them, and their message tells you about teenagers with the fear of an unknown future. “Carrie”, the title song which has vocals that leave you in complete awe – power and heart in one song, all displayed by one of the most stunning voices.  “Once You See” & “Dreamer In Disguise”, two very short but deeply touching ballads who bring out the best in the two singer’s vocals. “Eve Was Weak”, a song that starts slowly and soon turns into a religious and “brutal” piece of music that doesn’t leave you even afterwards because it gets easily stuck in your head. “Unsuspecting Hearts”, which, for me, is one of the most powerful and beautiful ballads ever written for and sung in a musical – not only because of it’s message behind it, but mostly because of the person singing it, giving it not only a voice, but their heart, their everything. These songs, even the more scary ones, all in their own way blow life into the play like nothing else could, except for the actors, of course. They give the characters a voice even if there’s nothing to say. Which brings us to the biggest subject: THE ACTORS.

There’s no doubt that actors make a show/play their own by their acting and singing. There is the stage set, the music, the costumes, but when it comes to it, a show is nothing with its actors. And to be honest, Gary Lloyd did a hell of a job choosing THE perfect Cast for “Carrie”:

Evelyn Hoskins (Carrie White):
What can you say about her without feeling you haven’t said enough? That girl IS Carrie. It’s like she was born to play this role. When news got out who had gotten the role, it was clear that she would have massive shoes to fill – what with Sissy Spacek being Carrie for most people when they heard the name of the book/movie. But the shoes Evelyn has now put on are – in my unpopular opinion – way bigger than anyone could’ve filled them. She outdid herself, completely. Her talent is breathtaking, and her “Carrie” solo was something out of this world. She can hold notes like no one else, and in each of them, no matter how deep or high she has to go, the audience can hear her heart pouring out; everyone around feels that she gives that role and song her absolute everything. Her display of that scared, insecure, bullied young girl who turns into an uncontrolled killing machine was something that was much anticipated by me. If you have read the book as much as I did, you have a certain attitude towards her, and to be honest, I never had such a big compassion for Carrie while reading the story. There was always something that sort of repelled me, as if Stephen King didn’t want his readers to like Carrie. And even with Sissy Spacek I had my difficulties. But seeing Evelyn being Carrie – the instant she stepped foot on stage, head bowed, arms crossed over her books in front of her chest – I felt a rush of sympathy for that poor young girl. There was even some slight comedic talent in that otherwise very serious and sad role, like when Tommy Ross asks Carrie out. Evelyn Hoskins manages to draw the audience even more into all that High School life thing than she already did with just…being there. Her eyes may not be as scary as Sissy Spaceks, but there is a hell of a lot more depth in them.

Sarah McNicholas (Sue Snell):
Sue definitely is a character who one can have a very dichotomous opinion about. On the one hand, she takes part in all the bullying of Carrie in the beginning, but very soon, you realize who hard she fights with her better judgement inside. Sarah McNicholas did that in a way that left me in complete awe. You take one look at her and you know she’s not like all the other teenage girls; she’s a sensitive, caring and loving young woman who just hasn’t found her place in life yet, who desperately wants to fit in where it’s right to. Her solo, “Once You See” , that she sings right after she tries to talk to Carrie and is harshly pushed away, is truly emotional, and the vocals Sarah shows the audience are nothing but beautiful, because there is no doubt that she puts all her heart in what she does on that stage. She’s torn inside and with her performance, she lets every last audience member feel that inner conflict, makes everybody suddenly feel sorry for her – at least that was what was going on inside of me. I wanted to rush onto the stage and hug her, tell her she doesn’t need someone like Chris Hargensen to find the right place in life. The most intense thing about Sarah and her display of Sue was without a doubt her last scene with Evelyn/Carrie. For minutes, she cradles her, crying and sobbing, while the music starts playing again and the rest of the Cast sings the last song. If nothing else, that is definitely the one thing drawing the viewer in, letting them feel as if all of this was real, as if the entire show was more than just that – show.

Greg Miller-Burns (Tommy Ross):
Star of the football team, most popular guy in High School, gorgeous, intelligent – practically the dream guy of any girl in school. And here’s the biggest difference for me: Greg made Tommy seem way more human than how he was in the book or the movie. Right from the beginning, when his classmates tease Carrie after school, he goes up to her and gives her a sort of pep talk (“Hey, don’t listen to those clowns. They’re just messing around.”) And without a doubt – you buy it. You buy it that Greg is absolutely serious about that, that he truly believes that all of the teasing and bullying is just the joke of immature High School pupils. He has dreams, is a talented poem writer and so atypical to how you’d imagine him, and, to be honest, how I remembered Tommy to be. Greg makes the audience feel like they could trust him with whatever is heavy on their heart; and whenever Evelyn and him are on stage together, you feel the tension coming from Evelyn – she wants to believe as much as the next person that not everybody is bad, that there is hope somewhere, and that Greg/Tommy provides this hope. The way he and Sarah/Sue play together is very warm and heartfelt, a more than convincing relationship. You almost think that at the end of the show, they’ll leave the stage together, hands intertwined. His short solo, “Dreamer In Disguise”, just gives a hint of what he can do with his voice, the vocals he is capable of. They say actions speak louder than words, and in that special case, his vocals in this song and the look in his eyes whenever he talks to Sue or Carrie scream of warmth and love for the ones close to him and the ones who can’t defend himself. In my opinion, the audience can’t help but absolutely adore him like the High School Boy he plays.

Gabriella Williamson (Chris Hargensen):
Talking abouz intensity – WOW. Maybe the (for me) most anticipated role beside Carrie. You read the book – you hate her. You watch the movie – she absolutely makes your blood boil. You watch the play – you want to skin her alive (in a good way, I promise). Gabriella is probably THE new big star the West End has brought upon. I don’t even know where to start. Her enunciation and intonation are – BY FAR – the best ones I have heard in a very long time, maybe ever. The mocking undercurrent whenever she faces her teacher, Miss Gardner, or talks badly about Carrie behind her back (or to her face, for that matter) is exactly how most people would imagine a a very spoiled little brat who is used to get everything she wants to talk. And the evil within, that the character Chris has never hidden – holy mother, it’s like Gabriella has sucked it up with mother’s milk to prepare herself for that role for her entire life. I have never seen someone on stage who has such comprehensive aura, who is able to draw someone in in an instant, with nothing but a roll of her eyes or a change in intonation, who has such an intensity in everything she says or does. The scene just before the girls are pushed to apologize to Carrie for their mockery in the shower the day before is the best perfect for that: Miss Gardner gives them an ultimatum, and when Chris realizes that her best friend, Sue, isn’t being drawn in by her anymore, she loses it (“Why are you taking her side?” – “Well well, aren’t you getting to be the Joan of Arc around here…oh, wait, remind me: who was that in there, pitching with the rest of us?” – “Oh  God, you’re sorry! Oh, Little Miss Perfect is sorry!” Only to break out into a short childish chant to try and seem superior) – probably one of the most intense moments this play had managed  to built up. And it takes a hell of a lot talent to display such a horrible character as Chris Hargensen in such a convincing way that you sit there and can’t help but admire her, want to be like her, despite her terrible nature. The casting director did an amazing job with chosing the Cast for all the roles, but that one – if I could, I’d give him an Oscar for that. Right along with Gabriella.

Jodie Jacobs (Miss Gardner):
Knowing Jodie from an earlier production, it was a very exciting thing to see her in something so asbolutely different from the 80’s Hippie she played in “Rock Of Ages”. And yes, she totally blew me away. As I already mentioned, I know the book, it’s one of my favourites. And just a few days back, I started reading it once again, and I realized how different Jodie’s Miss Gardner was from the one in the book (who had a different name, too). But it wasn’t a bad thing; in fact, it was the best thing that could’ve happened. The Miss Gardner in the book is pretty rough and harsh and not really someone you could feel any sympathy for. In fact, you want to shove her off the same cliffs that you’d shove Chris Hargensen down. But Jodie gave Miss Gardner warmth, heart and life. If you know Jodie, you know how much that role means to her, and there is not a doubt in the world that it’s the truth; she puts all her heart and emotions in every single scene, word and note. Her song with Evelyn Hoskins/Carrie, “Unsuspecting Hearts” – I have absolutely no words for that. She kills that song, her vocals are flawless, and together with Evelyn, you get the feeling they sing together for years instead for just a few weeks. And despite the overall horror theme of the play, it gives you an emotional heartbreak because Jodie’s display of Miss Gardner makes you feel like you’re Carrie, like you’re the one in desperate need of a friend, of love and appreciation. And she makes you feel sorry for her, because you want to help her help Carrie; you wish for her to be a real person, someone who really exists out there and who is there for all the weak and bullied and lonely people/teenager out there. If there ever has been a mother figure out there, it’s Miss Gardner in that play. And the fact that if you know the book, she’s not totally supposed to be that sort of very heartfelt woman makes it even more convincing and touching as it already is. So much that I can say: a gym teacher made me cry my heart out and I am very happy about that.

Dex Lee (Billy Nolan):
From the books, I had the impression and the imagination of Billy that he is crazy. Not just crazy, but absolutely insane. You just HAVE to be insane if you go and slaughter an innocent pig just because you want to pull a bad prank on one of your classmates, right? What Dex did was giving Billy a bit more human side; a teenager who’s just got too much testosterone, who has no clear view of his future and only cares about the next party. Dex also gave Billy a comedic side, like, when he topples over in his chair in a very serious moment. He doesn’t make the audience as scared as you might expect from knowing the movie, or especially the book, but despite his nature, there’s something about him that fits perfectly to Billy. And at the end, his jokes, puns and comedic timing even leaves a tiny spot open for you to actually sort of like him.

Kim Criswell (Margaret White):
The crazy, religious mother of Carrie, who raised her child far away from what most people would call “normal”. Kim Criswell is a goddess as Carrie’s mother. The evil within that she shows the moment Carrie opens up to her about her first period, the change from the kind, loving mother into the murderous God-worshipping lady – definitely one of the scariest changes and things such an intimate play can offer its audience. Her vocals are not from this world, and her songs – “Evening Prayers”, “And Eve Was Weak” and “I Remember How Those Boys Could Dance” are so similar and at the same time so absolutely different; Kim gives the audience every facet of her talent, no vocal sound like the next one, and she’s as convincing with her display of the role as anybody could ever be.

The rest of the Cast – Molly McGuire as Norma, Bobbie Little as Frieda, Emily McGougan as Helen, Eddie Myles as Freddy, Olly Dobson as Dale “Stokes”  & Patrick Sullivan as George – each and every single one of them were absolutely breathtaking. Considering that for most of them, “Carrie” is their first professional role in Musical Theatre or Theatre at all, it’s one of the most impressive things. I think Gary Lloyd and his team were very blessed when they found this bunch for their production; young, energetic and positive young people with their dreams all in front of them, and they get such an amazing chance to prove how mindblowingly talented every single one of them is. It fills my heart with warmth and love to still see and read all the raving reviews about the show and its Cast.

Hearing that most of the performances, and especially the last few ones, were completely sold out, just confirms what I, personally, thought and still think of the show: it’s one of the best pieces of Musical Theatre that the West End has brought upon in a long time, with songs that get stuck in your head instantly, and a story, set and Cast that just don’t let you go even weeks after you’ve seen it.

THAT’S what Musical Theatre and Plays are made for. For this kind of unforgettable experience.

THANK YOU, Carrie.

Book Review: E. Lockhart – “We Were Liars”

Cadence Sinclair Eastman comes from an old-money family, headed by a patriarch who owns a private island off of Cape Cod. Each summer, the extended family gathers at the various houses on the island, and Cadence, her cousins Johnny and Mirren, and friend Gat (the four “Liars”), have been inseparable since age eight. During their fifteenth summer however, Cadence suffers a mysterious accident. She spends the next two years—and the course of the book—in a haze of amnesia, debilitating migraines, and painkillers, trying to piece together just what happened. (Source: amazon.com)

I am probably the only person who did not read this book because she wanted to know what all the fuzz was about, but because it was suggested to me on amazon and the mixed reviews got me curious.

And it only took me less than 6 hours to finish it because I just couldn’t put it away for a minute.

At first, I was not sure what to make of it. All the different characters, the way that the narrator – Cadence, – is explaining all the different family members, the living circumstances on the island was somewhat really confusing for me at the beginning. It reminded me a lot of “A Casual Vacancy” by Joanne K. Rowling, which is the worst book I’ve read in my entire life. But then, all things fell into place.

The lovestory between Cady and Gat, her Aunt’s boyfriend’s nephew, is somewhat just like how teenage lovestories are: they meet in their holidays, fall in love, and when they’re back home, they forget about that summer fling. Not Cadence. While Gat seemingly has moved on with a girlfriend in New York, she realizes how far she has fallen for him. To me, it made her more human; a human with flaws who has no saying about who she loves, who cannot control her feelings and who, despite the circumstances, never give up on hoping for her Happy End. Cady takes the reader on her journey to not only find herself, but also, find out who her family is.

After the accident, which E. Lockhart described a bit hazy (in my personal opinion), so that I had to read it twice to actually understand what happened, the reader is constantly confronted with the fact that Cady suffers from a severe amnesia that goes along with constant migraine attacks that knock her out for days at times. That is probably the only thing that bugged me about the book: over and over, the reader is told how bad her condition is, how bad her headaches and sickness is, and it can become somewhat annoying. Because I think it’s enough if you get introduced to a problem ONCE, it doesn’t need to be slapped into your face over and over again. She’s sick, she suffers, WE GET IT.

The reason I read this book in such a short amount of time was that as soon as I knew something was off about Cady’s “accident”, I was dying to know what it was; I am just that sort of very curious person. Plus, the love story between her and Gat becomes even more complicated, and although they seem to fall back into what they were two summers ago, they’re not really back to where they’ve left off, if that makes any sense at all. Gat behaves oddly enough to cause a distance between them that Cady desperately tries to overcome. The more clues the reader gets throughout the part of the book (after the accident) – little hints by her aunt Carrie’s strange behaviour at night, her cousin’s nightmares and slip of tongue once,  her hovering mother, – the more curious he/she gets. At least that’s what happened to me.

And just when you think that you have found out what happened, when it seems crystal clear and you start thinking “That’s it? That’s the huge mystery?”, E. Lockhart presents the shocking truth. Which, I have to admit, hit me right in the stomach, because I did not expect it. And although the reader is a bit…left out in the open about how, after Cady comes back to the island two years after the “accident”, things worked out with the “Liars”, without further explanations (not going into details about these “explanations”, as I don’t want to give away anything; people who might read this will understand once they read the book themselves), I, personally, felt content with the ending. I still felt that there was a closure for me to all the secrets, the strange behaviours, the gaps that opened up between Cady, her family and especially the “Liars”, whom she spent every single summer with, being as close as you can be with friends. I didn’t need any more descriptions. And the fact that I read this book without any expectations, as so many others did, helped me to not being disappointed by the ending. Because in my opinion, there really is NOTHING to be disappointed about.

The book shows the abysses of a very patriarchic family, driven by love, envy, lies, racism, money and expectations that all seem to lose their meaning as soon everybody is confronted with a shocking incident. All that matters then is to stick together and keep what’s left of that family together as good as possible – no matter the consequences.

Blood is thicker than water. And apparently, a family tree is stronger than even the most shocking events.

Remember your very first story?

I do remember it, vividly. It was something that was placed in the “Star Wars” universe just after the 2nd prequel back in 2002″, and after I read a novel that was centered inbetween “The Phantom Menace” and “Attack Of The Clones”. I remember reading that book and somehow ended up writing my own short story. When I remenisce now, and when I look back at what and how I was writing back then, a shiver goes through me. It was bad. Like, really bad. I can’t believe the grammar I used back then. But still, they were my first attempts in writing, and I still remember the vivid fantasy I had back then, making things up that would probably never happen (welcome to my life).

But what I remember more vividly is 5 years back. I had just finished my job training 2 years earlier, and I was massively unhappy with where I’ve worked. Since those first tries in writing as a teenager, with all the “Star Wars” centered stories, my biggest dream had been to become a professional writer one day. I knew I wasn’t even close to be as good as others were, and maybe never would be, but that never diminished my love for books or texts. On the contrary: somehow, I felt challenged. Then, one day, I got my hands on a copy of “Face Of Death” by Cody McFadyen, and soon after (just because this is one of the goddamn best books that have ever been written in the history of books and writing), “Shadow Man”, which was the first book of the series. And when I was finished, I knew what I wanted to do.

Writing my own story.

Not a short story this time, like all those years before, no. A long one. A real book.

And thanks to these two amazing books, my brain was practically overflowing with ideas. I had no idea where to put them, because they were so many and they came to me in such a rush that I didn’t know what to write first. Before I knew, I had finished 9 or 10 chapters. I was on a roll, how writers like to describe their very inspirational phase. I had quite a few people/friends read a few excerpts of what I had written down so far, and everyone of them was pleasantly surprised of what I had brought to paper. They urged me to go on, telling me they wanted to read more (which, of course, I couldn’t do because I still had planned to one day publish that exact piece of work, and what good would it do if a lot of people already knew every single bit of it?). That was most likely my biggest and most productive time in the writing process. Whenever I got a good comment or critics, it kept me going, kept inspirations, ideas and motivation flow into my head like a river. I had even created my own cover (see picture above) and had researched about certain places and death methods in the USA, etc. I loved this process.

Then time took its toll, and things in my life happened that stopped me being able to write anymore. By then, I had already started on writing the very last chapter (without even knowing much about what was happening inbetween – I had stopped writing the “normal” chapters in a row when I reached the 15th chapter, then started on the final chapter because I had a great idea of revealing everything), and without sounding bigheaded: it was amazing. I absolutely loved it. But somehow, I had lost my spirit. I just stopped writing because I didn’t get any feedbacks anymore. I didn’t ask people to read what I had written down because I had started doubting myself. My ability to write anything decent that I could live with had slowly faded, and whenever I read back what I had put onto paper, I wanted to take it and crumple it up, burn it immediately, because I thought “What kind of crap is that?”. I know I was in a self-destructive phase, concerning my writing career. I went from having the brightest future planned ahead in my mind from zero ability and motivation to write whatsoever. Years passed where I regretted bygone times, where I dearly missed the times where I could write all day and night and didn’t think I would ever be able to go to bed without writing at least one whole chapter, and I have never been able to relive those times, I was caught in such massive self-doubts that I stopped believing that I would ever start writing again, let alone on that long story I had done so far – because I had started to despise it.

And then last year happened, when I started this blog. First meant as nothing but a theatre based blog where I could write down my experiences in german and London theatres/musicals, or travel experiences, it soon turned into a blog where I first started writing about books I’ve read – until I published my first Short Story on here. I don’t know how it happened – it was probably one of my friends starting publishing short stories on her own wordpress blog, too, – but that was the moment I slowly stopped thinking I wasn’t capable of writing anymore. I didn’t get much feedback on what I expressed on here, but the few things I got from some people motivated me. I was back on a roll, even if only very slowly, and I’m not even close to be back where I used to be 5 years ago.

Today, I have published 4 whole Short Stories on here, but somehow, I could never forget that first story I wrote. The first real story. The one that I originally had planned and dreamed of being published. The one where I had put in so much love and sweat and work and inspiration and effort. It always drifted around in the back of my head whenever I sat down to write a blog or a story or even a letter to a friend. I could never forget it, like a long lost love. And still, for 5 years, I hated it after I had given up on it, and whenever I re-read it, I was hating myself for the crap I had written down. But somehow, I could never throw it away or delete it from my harddrive, even if I would maybe never look at it or take it into my hands again. But two days ago, I took all my courage and will and got it out.

Since then, I have made a promise to myself: write at least 1.000 words a day after work. I have begun to translate it into english (as I had originally written it in my native language, german, but now prefer the english language way more), and re-write it anew. Putting in some changes here and there, especially the parts where it lacked a lot of logic in retrospect (which was probably the reason why I hated it so much). Right now, every day there is enough in my head to keep to my daily goal of 1.000 words, today it were even 1.800, and I feel like this time, I can really finish what I’ve started. After all, that one story had been my baby. The one thing that back then meant more than anything to me. It had held the promise of a better life for me, for my biggest dream to come true, to escape the dull and lonely life I was living and nowadays somehow have come to live again, because hands down: life and people never stop changing, the world never stops turning just because you need it to stop.

And the thought of finally giving that one dream that I gave up on 5 years ago another chance of coming true is beautiful. I know I am by far not a good writer, there are loads and loads of good writers out there, who have more potential than me and do not need a dictionary by their side while they’re typing. But I also know that I finally found some confidence again to fulfil my dream, to trust myself again with the feeling that I actually CAN do it this time. That I can finish what I started, no matter how long it will take. And that this time, hopefully, I will not let myself doubt my abilities because of the lack of feedback or support I get, because of so-called friends’ ignorance and lack of caring for what means a hell of a lot to me. I feel motivated again to start all over with what I have started 5 years back, with finding that one special potential in my 1st real story that I have seen in it all these years back.

And I hope to one day being able to present my story to the world.