Book Review: A. J. Penn – “The Tribe: A New World”

(If you want to know what this is all about, go on here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tribe_%28TV_series%29

You know these books/stories that instantly vault you right back to your 14-year old self, due to being written about a series you watched during your childhood/teenage years and that even after almost 14 years is still able to grab you and draw you in? Yes, THAT.

This book has seriously killed me. Just finished it and seriously sitting here, thinking about it and its end, and I want to shake my head in disbelief. Pure and happy disbelief.

It’s been over 13 years since I’ve last seen or read anything about my favourite series when I was a teenager – most based on the fact that a.) the books that were written about the series and the characters are really, really terrible. Like…stay away from them if you can. I bet my friend Laura’s 5 year old son could write something better. For real. And b.) I’ve come to the conclusion that, as time went on, I built up my own life, living on my own for almost 10 years now, I just got too old for this kind of stuff, stories about a world were all the adults have perished, wiped out by a mysterious virus. Little did I know that this book would bring me the closest to my childhood than I have been since I moved out all these years back.

I have to speak verbosely now, to make people understand what this series and everything about it meant and apparently still means to me. I realized that it and its characters/actors have actually saved my life. During the time it was airing in Germany, I was going through the darkest chapter of my life, having to live with bullying at school and at home with the abusive and alcoholic boyfriend of my mother, and knowing this series existed brought me through that time. Seeing the characters on screen coping with their horrible situations every day, it made me pull through every horrible day I had myself. I admired them. And especially one of them.

Amber aka Beth Allen.

I guess you can say that without even knowing it, that girl/woman was my first “girlcrush”, in a non-sexual way. True, she was beautiful, stunning, and the way she dressed was taking me in, and I was more than ambitioned to one day wear my hair as she did (Zulu Braids, seriously?). But what mostly impressed me was her character. She was fierce, she was caring, she was loving, she was brave, funny, the born leader. Hell, I wanted to be like her so much it literally hurt. Plus, she got together with the most beautiful guy on the show, Bray aka Dwayne Cameron. They were my first true One True Pairing, as the saying in series fandoms is nowadays. I was in full awe when after what felt like an eternity, they finally got together, and after a short break-up, found to each other again. Then the Season 1 finale came, and my world was shattered.

The writers had decided to write Amber aka Beth Allen out of the show, let her die in an explosion inside of an observatory. I don’t exaggerate when saying the moment it was clear that one of two graves was for her, I wanted to die, too (remember, that series saved me from a very dark chapter in my life). I know it sounds pathetic, but it’s true. I felt like my whole world was falling apart in one instance. She came back in Series 3 (you’ll have to find out yourself, how, but it was a brilliant move), and I was beyond happy about the fact my favourite TV couple (and actors) were back together. They lived happily, their baby boy was born during an invasion of their home town…and once again, my world was shattered when the writers wrote Dwayne Cameron aka Bray out of the series. I mean, seriously? It had never been clear if he had just been abducted and dragged somewhere far away to work for his perpetrators or if he had been killed, and although all this time has passed since then and my life has moved on, in my heart, I wanted to believe he was still alive in some universe, even if it was only in my own stories.

This book made my dreams all come true. Because Bray came back. Not unharmed, but badly bruised and traumatized, and in constant flight of different enemies, but still – ALIVE.

I almost swallowed this book in one piece, because…jeez, it’s so well-written. Compared to all the other books about the series, this is an improvement of over 1000%, by far! The 1st chapter (especially the end of it) left me speechless, because I was already taken by surprise that one of my favourite characters was indeed very much alive, but also that the one enemy that creeped me out to no end (who was supposed to be gone for good) was back…and who is not even mentioned for the rest of the book, only appeared in that one single sentence. And I guess that’s one of the things that made me, as a former loving fan of the series, continue reading even quicker than I would’ve done anyways. As I said at the beginning: this book grabbed me by the arm with a merciless grip, and vaulted me right back into 2001. The different storylines are switching between each other in every chapter – the destiny of the main tribe, The Mall Rats, on a journey to the unknown, Bray, who gets into more trouble over and over as he manages to escape his first torturer, and Ebony, a former Mall Rat, who at one point decides to take her life into her own hands and disappear. I felt like that whenever I finished a chapter, I needed to know how one party moved on, and in order to that, I had to “jump” into a different storyline, getting past it – but not in a way like “Urgh, not that storyline again, can’t I just skip it”, but more of a…I can’t even explain it. There are parts in the book, especially in the first few chapters, when (for my taste) the storyline inside one chapter is jumping between characters way too quickly – one sentence is about one character being in thoughts about one thing, the next sentence is written in another character’s point of view, and the next one is about someone else of the group, again. I have to admit, it can be kind of exhausting and confusing, but still, it didn’t diminish the tension you feel while reading it, the suspension throughout the entire book, and it was never a reason for me to put it away for a second (except for the time I spent at work or sleeping, obviously). Because that one thing that mattered to me and that I wanted to happen more than anything else (hello, 14-year-old me!), was to read about the moment Amber and Bray were finally reunited. It took me 96% on my Kindle to read the words I had dreamed of since the beginning of Series 4 in 2003:

“She ran flat out towards Bray, breaking down in wracking, heaving sobs, convulsing her entire body.
Bray fought to contain his own emotion, his clothes torn and ravaged, blood still oozing from his wounds, his eyes swollen from his injuries filling with tears, overspilling down his battered, bruised face.
A surge of adrenalin raced trough his entire body. And he, too, started to run, stumbling, still weak.
Jay stood motionless by the doorway, watching as Bray and Amber finally connected, each throwing their arms around the other. Neither could speak. They were so overcome. And clung tightly to each other.
It was so moving that even Jay had difficulty in containing his own emotion while he watched Bray and Amber locked in their embrace, a cast iron grip, as if now they had been reunited here, of all places, and had found themselves, they would never let each other go.”

I’m honest here, nothing could ever replace that wonderful feeling I felt while reading this part, and I would never want to trade the tears I cried during it for anything else. Knowing that the two characters I had bonded with all these years back, were, after so many horrible events and obstacles, finally back together…it was beyond beautiful.

I know all of this sounds pathetic and childish and whatnot, but I don’t care. I really don’t. Because even if it’s only a story, what it’s telling you is that anything is possible, if you just never give up on your hopes and dreams. No matter how many rocky roads you find on your journey, no matter how many obstacles emerge infront of you, you have to cling to what’s most important to you. You have to have faith that evenutally, everything will work out. And I think it’s a beautiful message.

And in my opinion, there are way worse things in life than being vaulted back into your 14-year-old self, to a part of your past that impressed you so much it was able to give you hope and strength for whatever life throws at you.

Cover Songs are bad spirit…aren’t they?

There is a saying out there somewhere among people that says that the basic thing the TV Show “Glee” does is ruining original songs by turning them into miserable, horrible covers. Now, I’m not as much of a fan anymore as I used to be at the beginning (because in my opinion, that series made a massive way downwards from a certain point in Season 3 on), but I still watch it, and yes – for the songs.

Over the past years there have been loads and loads of covers from the Cast, songs which were horrible, even before being covered (I’m just going to throw “Friday” in here, that says everything), songs that weren’t horrible before but then, after they were performed on the show, were ruined. And then, there are the songs that I seriously, seriously despised from the moment they were released. Each to their own, and basically, most of the songs I hate nowadays are the ones everyone else seems to like, so maybe I am the real problem here. But fact is, for me, “Glee” has these tiny moments that make me fall in love for a song that I hated before.

One of the biggest examples I can name is definitely “Defying Gravity”. I have never watched the musical “Wicked”, where that song is originated in. Neither did I ever have any ambition to – and the fact that Chris Colfer sang the song in Season 1 with one of the most annoying voices ever didn’t help. Now I’m going to be slated by everyone, so I’m quickly going to say that he has developed. His voice got a lot deeper, and when, a week back, the song was performed again on the current 5th Season (together with Lea Michele & Amber Riley) – I fell in love with it. I have heard the musical version of the song, and it has never been “mine” at all, I’m just not a sucker for love songs/ballads on a show (only very rarely). But the Season 5 version of the song gives me goosebumps to no end and – which is even more important – has now made me plan my 1st visit to the show at the Victoria Apollo Theatre in London somewhen in July.

Another good example are the songs “We Are Young”  & “Some Nights” of the band FUN. I never liked the band, neither did I like their songs, sorry. But the “Glee” Cast versions of these two songs always make me massively smile whenever I hear them. The vocals of everyone together are insane, in my opinion.

And then…there is Michael Jackson. Don’t get me wrong, may he rest in peace forever. I just always despised him. I had no respect for him due to all this face surgery thing with him, his weird character and behaviour and…I don’t know. His music gave me absolutely NOTHING when I listened to it. Then the Michael Jackson-themed episode on in Season 3 came. I’m not going to lie, until this day forward, the songs in that certain episode remain few of my favourites from the entire show. Whenever I hear “Smooth Criminal”, I’m totally rocking it in my mind, have the scene with Naya Rivera & Grant Gustin in my head. Listening to “Black & White” even makes me love Chris Colfers voice to a certain extent, because he has amazing vocals at a certain part in the song. Not to speak about the “Thriller/Heads Will Roll” mash-up in Season 2 – boom, that one always gets me.

There are so many songs on that show that in general don’t really bother me, but whenever I hear them being performed on that show, I notice how I start bopping my head to the tunes, tipping my feet on the ground. And hell, there are a few more than talented people on that Cast, especially Lea Michele, Amber Riley, Darren Criss & Naya Rivera (seriously, her version of “Girl On Fire” is loads and loads and loads better than that awful Alicial Keys version!!!). I think these 4 are few of the most underrated singers/actors that I have ever seen performing (on a screen). Their voices and performances give me goosebumps, and the songs that they are singing are most often the songs on the show that I disliked beforehand and fall in love with after watching them perform them.

So my opinion is: no, “Glee” does NOT ruin original songs (apart from the fact that they have a few killer songs that are originated on the show itself, “Loser Like Me” will always be my all-time favourite), neither does the show diminish the value that the actual performers have for their songs, whenever they sing them on a stage at a concert or even in a musical. In fact, I think that when certain songs are sung on “Glee”, they get even more attention than before, and that is everything else but a bad thing.

This all, of course, is only my personal opinion, but I feel sorry for the show/the actors for being slated so much after performing certain songs on the show, and it pisses me off to no end, because everyone on that show is talented in their own way and they deserve a bit of respect and appreciation for what they do. After all, it’s not as easy as everyone thinks to walk in the footsteps of a Michael Jackson, Adele, Madonna or whoever. It takes guts.

And these actors have them. Period.

My 1st public story – Part One

I have been thinking alot about this recently, and although this was originally planned as only a theatre blog, I’ve decided to give it a go and post the first few lines / the first part of a Fanfiction I started to write a few years back.
It’s based on the New Zealand TV Series “The Tribe” that is set in a future where a violent virus has killed all grown-ups; kids are on their own, and for survival reasons, they gather together in crowds, so-called “Tribes”. My story is set at the end of Season 5, where the Main Tribe, called “Mallrats” is on a boat away from the city where a computer has just freed an even more violent virus that forced Amber, the Mallrats’ Leader, her baby son, her boyfriend Jay and all their friends to leave their beloved home and city. Now they are shipping into an unknown future. (For further informations on the characters – if you want to know – please check http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tribe_%28TV_series%29,  as apparently I can’t spread out all details on here :/)
As this is the first time I post one of my stories publicly, I hope people will be kind with me after reading it.

                                                                                

                                                                                     ~ Back from the Dead~

Amber woke up from a disturbing and confusing, yet wonderful dream. She and Bray were in one of those houses Alice had owned when she had lived outside the city on the farm of her parents with her sister Ellie. She had had Baby Bray on her arm, and Bray held her close to his right shoulder, sitting on a bench and staring into the sunset. Amber knew that this was far from bring real – Alice and Ellie were still missing since months ago the Chosen and then the Technos had taken over the city, and Bray…well.
Bray was officially confirmed dead.
Deleted, she thought to herself, not letting the bitter truth get to her. In her life, there would never be a proof of his death, neither was there any way she would ever forget the words written on one of Mega’s screens in the Techno headquarter back then. As the thought came into her mind, she remembered with whom she shared her life now, and reached beside her, to the other side of the bed.
It was empty.
Amber opened her eyes and looked around. She suddenly realized she wasn’t lieing in her own bed in the Mall. To her right was a small, round window, and through it, she saw nothing but the blue ocean. She propped herself up on her elbows and looked out of the small bullseye, and all the memories of the last days came back to her mind. The fight between Ram and Mega, Zoot twisted in their middle. The explosion. The release of the aggressive virus that would eat up the whole city within an instant. The flight on the boat, far away from all the danger, into an uncertain future for all of them.
Amber sighed, the she stood up and walked over to the small crib where her son lied, sleeping and breathing quietly. She touched his cheek, his nose, feeling her pain coming up again, because we would never be able to meet his father. She shook her head, holding her tears back. Bray was gone. Jay was her life now. It was time to stop looking behind.
She dressed herself, then went out of the cabin to look for him.

‘Since when are you up?’
Jay turned around, and when his eyes spotted Amber, he started smiling. His brown eyes were shining at the sight of her, yet there was some distance in them. His blond hair was standing up from his head, making clear that he wasn’t up that long. Amber smiled herself as she saw it. She just loved him more when it looked like that.
‘About an hour ago. Did I wake you?’
‘No, I had a dream, that’s it.’
‘Bray?’ Jay looked at her, and she knew that he didn’t need any answer. Since they got on the boat 8 days ago, Amber had dream after dream about him, and even if he wasn’t jealous at all, because he knew that Bray would always be a part of her life, he was worried about her. He knew she was feeling guilty of leaving the city, no matter whether it had been a life saving decision or not. He knew that day in, day out, she was thinking about all the possibilities of finding Bray that were gone now.
Jay knew exactly how she felt. He felt the same, although he refused to admit it, neither to Amber, nor to himself.
Amber nodded, and the sadness and the pain in her eyes made Jay’s heart ache. He opened his arms, letting her come to him to get the comfort she needed so much.
‘What was it about?’
‘Just the usual, you know.’
There was a silence while they were standing together, arm in arm, and no sound was there except the rush of the ocean around them. After a minute, Amber looked up to Jay, and she saw that his view was stuck in the distance.
‘What do you think, when will we hit solid ground? Last night, while you were on guard with Lex, Trudy and I tried to calm the others down. They’re getting nervous, Jay. They need a home.’
‘We’re getting closer.’
Amber followed his gaze, and what she saw made her heart jump in her chest. Far in the distance, she could see something. It was just some outlines, but still…
‘What is that?’
‘The coast. About 200 miles away.’ He looked down at her. ‘We almost made it.’
Amber was too dazzled to answer. She looked back at the coast the boat was slowly getting closer to. Now that she knew what it was, she could see the outlines of some trees, and she even thought she could see some roofs, although they weren’t close enough yet to really be sure about that.
‘I should wake the others’, Amber said and turned to walk back to the cabins, then stopped walking as Jay went on talking.
‘We don’t even know what’s out there, Amber. It could be a city. It could be a jungle. It could be a place of complete desaster. Or it could just be nothing.’
Amber looked at him, noticing the pain in his voice. She knew that leaving the city had been as hard for him as it had been for her and the others. As herself, he had left hope behind, hope to find his brother again one day. For all they knew, he had also been deleted as Ram had found out that he was working against him behind his back. And for all they knew, his destiny was the same as Bray’s. For a second, Amber looked back, her gaze into the distance, to the place they left ages ago, it seemed to her. Although it was impossible to even make out any outlines, she imagined to see columns of smoke rising up from what they used to call home. She felt her heart ache at the thought of all the bad but also good memories. The Mallrats had been celebrating a double-wedding. The antidote for the virus that had killed all grown-ups had been created by Tai-San, one of the now missing members of them. She and Bray had shared their first kiss back then after a journey to Hope Island…
Amber shook her head. She won’t allow her thoughts going there. It would just hurt too much. And it was past. What lay in front of them was important now. She had to be strong.
‘Whatever it is, Jay, it’s our only chance. There’s no other way we could turn to. I don’t believe our fuel will last that much longer, even if Lex and Slade manage to find a way to save some of it. It’s all or nothing. And who knows,’ she said, stepping closer to him, ‘we may find a new home there. Wherever ‘there’ is.’
Jay still looked at the outlines of the coast that were growing as the boat moved on. From behind them, somewhere deep down in the cabins, he could hear the sounds of the other Mallrats making rustling noises.
‘Alright, go wake the others. We need to get ready to go ashore.’ Jay felt Amber squeezing his hand behind his back, then he heard her opening the cabin doors, quietly waking their friends one after another. He even could hear Lex complaining that it was way too early to even think about getting up.
Jay concentrated his gaze onto the ocean. We’re getting closer, he thought again, then slowly closed his eyes.

Two weeks later.

From what Amber and Jay could see after the last days, they could hardly believe they had been so worried about their new place; it had turned out that the place they went ashore was almost exactly what they had been looking for.
It was a city, which everyone discovered with great relief. More, it seemed to have quite a similarity with the home they had to leave, and after an hour, they’ve already found what they had been looking for: a Mall. It wasn’t as big as their old home, but it had plenty of space for everyone. And after a week of exploring tours, everyone was sure: this was the place they would be staying. It was less touched by vandalism, and they’ve also found a storage of canned food, besides some fields where they could plant their own vegetables and fruits. It seemed like the perfect place to stay for the rest of their lives. They had met plenty of other kids out there, most of them suspicious, but different from what Jay, Amber and the other Mall Rats had been experiencing in their past, less aggressive and after a while, more than friendly.
For Ruby, who still was mourning about the loss of her beloved saloon in Liberty, it was like heaven as after a few days of looking around she had found the perfect place to reinvent her saloon here. It was a small liquor store, which, with the help of Slade, Lex and Jay, she restored and re-opened after only one week. Everyone could see that she was getting happier with every customer that stepped into her bar, praising her for the great work she had done there.
Cloe and Lottie had found some friends whom they were hanging out most of the time, so that the other Mall Rats didn’t see much of them during the day. Amber was glad that Cloe had found a way to get over the loss of Ved. After he had disappeared, she had buried herself into caring for Brady and Baby Bray, just to avoid thinking about him too much. Amber knew exactly what she had been going through.
Apart from that, everything was going as it had been going back at their old home. Lex, Slade and Darryl were out a lot, trying to find signs of rebellion against them, just to knock them down immediately. Amber couldn’t believe Lex was really thinking that this city needed some kind of sheriff. It seemed to be a complete difference to their old city, less violent and in no need for any order coming from the outside. Amber already started to see the world she had known back then, before the virus. A world without fighting for your life every single day. A world where her son could grow up safely.
Only Jay was the only one who didn’t seem to be happy that they’ve found a new home so fast. He had turned much more silent than he usually was, and often, Amber thought she saw some kind of pain in his eyes when he looked at her or talked to her. She began to wonder whether he – contrary to his assertions – was hurt by the dreams she had about Bray and that kept coming back almost every night. More, she had the feeling that he was mad at Bray for being such a big part in her life although there was no chance that he would ever step back into her life again.
It was ridiculous, Amber thought. She knew Jay well enough to know that he was honest with her when he said that everything was alright, had known it from the moment they had met back then when he had been a Techno general under Ram’s command. Maybe it was just their relocation. Or maybe he still mourned over the loss of Ved, whom he had promised to keep safe for the rest of his life; a promise that had been broken by Ram by deleting him, and that probably made him feel more guilty than he was willing to admit. Or, she thought, maybe it was a different guilt that made his gaze look so empty so many times she looked him in his eyes.
Ebony.
Thinking of her old enemy made Amber shiver. Since the attack on her sister Siva, where Java, her other sister, had jumped in on and died by being struck by one of the Technos’ zappers, Ebony had barely spoken a word. She was lethargic, and not even Siva, who had also to cope with Java’s death and who always had shared a much closer bond with Ebony was able to drag her out of this behavior. Jay had tried to talk to her a couple of times, but apart from a blink from time to time, she remained silent. Amber knew that he had to fight against the thought that it was his fault that Ebony was a mess, because he made the wrong choices when he had been a member of the Technos, starting with his forbidden relationship with Ebony over closing his eyes on the experiments Ram had practiced on citizens up to the point where it had been too late to control neither Ram nor Mega. Amber had tried to tell him that nothing of that had been his fault at all; he had been a loyal friend to both of them and that had made him shut his eyes to the truth. This circumstance was only aggravated by the fact that Slade, who distracted himself from the situation Ebony was caught in, kept telling Jay that without him, his girlfriend wouldn’t be an empty shell of pain and lethargy. Amber decided she had to talk to Jay about this as soon as he was back from his patrol. She couldn’t stand things not being out in the open.
‘Oh come on, get out of here, in case you don’t want to wake up in a cell tomorrow!’
A confused looking boy stumbled towards Amber as she approached the Liberty Bar. With him, he carried the strong smell of alcohol, and she instinctively stepped aside as he passed her, waving from side to side. When she looked in front of her again, she saw Ruby standing at the entrance of the bar, hair bound back into a ponytail braided strands on each side and both hands on her hips. The expression on her face was disbelieving and furious at the same time, but as her eyes caught sight of Amber, it faded and she started smiling from one ear to another.
‘As always, you’re arriving just as the big fun is over,’ she said, hugging Amber. Her smile faded when she saw the worried expression on her face. ‘What’s going on?’
Amber followed her inside the bar. Almost every table was occupied, and the sound of laughter filled the air. Ruby led her to the bar itself, pouring her a soda and waiting for her to sit down on one of the stools. One of the guests waved at her, asking for service, and Ruby looked around, searching for Darryl, who had promised to help her out today. She saw him standing at the back door and shouted: ‘Hey, Darryl! Could you take over here, please?’ He nodded, obviously annoyed, but stepped over to the table where the guest was still waving his hand. Ruby turned her attention back to Amber.
‘Busy today, huh?’ Amber asked, taking a sip of her soda.
‘Yes, but nothing I couldn’t handle. Anyway, what’s the matter?’
Amber looked at her and took a long sigh before telling Ruby everything that was going on in her head recently. They didn’t know each other for long, but Ruby had become a good friend of hers, and she was glad she could talk about her worries with someone who did not live inside their Mall and could analyze the situation in all objectivity. When she had finished, Ruby looked at her and asked, ‘Did you ever confront him with your thoughts? I mean, directly?’
‘I tried. We talked a lot about Mega and what happened back then, but he never mentioned Ved. And honestly, I understand it. The way he disappeared…Ruby, it was probably one of the hardest things ever for Jay. Being betrayed by a friend, who had always been kind of a mentor to both of them, a betrayal that led to the death of Ved…I just didn’t want to make things harder for him than they already are. He will talk about it when he’s ready.’ Contrary to the security that lay in her voice, Amber felt everything else but secure.
‘Alright. What about this stuff with Ebony? You don’t want to tell me you two never talked about it, do you? I mean, it’s practically the thing that’s most present at the Mall. Jay talked to Ebony himself a couple of times, as you said. And the tension between him and Slade must be exhausting. I mean, even for me it is annoying, although I barely see him for more than five minutes a day. But you can almost feel his anger, and I am not very sensitive at these kind of things, I can tell you.’
Amber nodded, as to indicate she understood what Ruby was up to. ‘Of course we did talk. But actually, everything’s evolving around how to make Ebony feel better, not how it all came together in the first place.’ She paused. ‘See, that’s why my gut tells me that my dreams about Bray are the reason for his behavior. Every time I wake up from a disturbing sleep, he asks me whether I am okay or not, and I can see the pain in his eyes. And I know he would never admit that these dreams leave him helpless, too. He’s hurt, Ruby.’
A long silence followed. Ruby wasn’t the kind of person that went out of words easily, Amber knew that. She always had a snappy comment on her lips, no matter how difficult a situation was. To see her so quiet now was enough confirmation that she really cared about what was going on.
Eventually, Ruby said, ‘You should talk to him. Seriously? What else can happen other than him being mad? You’re strong Amber, and during the last year, you have dealt with much more difficulties than any normal person would be able to handle. Moreover, you love each other, and love is a strong force.’ She shook her head, then took a wet rag and started wiping over the surface of the bar. ‘God, I sound like one of these old television psychiatrists!’

Later that evening.

Amber sat on her bed, Baby Bray in her arms. He pulled on her Zulu braids, squeaking with joy. She smiled at him, and her heart ached by the thought of how much he resembled his father. Then her eyes caught sight of a picture that showed Jay and her, arm in arm, and the pain was a little easier to take. Although Baby Bray wasn’t his child, Jay cared for him like a father. When he woke up at night and heard him screaming, he often was the one who took him out of his crib and walked him around until he felt asleep again. He made him laugh. And even if the pain of losing Bray would never fade away, Amber was glad that Jay was such a great substitute father for her son. And somehow, she thought, Bray was watching and very proud of her.
She heard a noise and winced. She already started to get up when Jay entered their room, a tired expression on his face. He kissed her, then sat beside her on the bed. His right hand stroked the baby’s forehead, who had finally fallen asleep.
‘Kept you awake the whole evening?’
‘Not more than usual. I couldn’t sleep, though. How was patrol?’
Jay shrugged. ‘Nothing out of the ordinary. It seems quite creepy that it’s much quieter than what we are used to. What about here?’
‘Everything’s okay, I guess. Siva brought Ebony some of her favorite fruits today. She looked around the whole city to find them, you know? And Ebony…well, she just ate them without any further notice. I don’t know how long we all will be able to cope with her not getting better.’
‘What are we supposed to do?’, Jay asked and looked at her, his face emotionless. ‘We can’t leave her alone right now. I don’t have the best memories about her, and neither have you, but she’s a Mallrat, Amber. She needs us.’
‘I know, that wasn’t what I was trying to say, it’s just…’ she sighed. ‘Jay, it’s Ebony. She used to be the strongest person I’ve ever seen. Even being rejected by Bray more than once never broke her, and she always claimed to hate Java for what she had done to her and Siva. It’s like who lies in her bed right now isn’t her anymore.’
Jay nodded. ‘That’s what’s keeping you up?’
Amber stood up and carefully put her son back in his crib. She pulled the sheet up his chest and stared at him for a moment.
‘Amber?’ Jay’s voice seemed to come from a different universe. ‘That’s what keeping you up?’, he repeated.
‘Look, I wasn’t gonna mention it, but with all that’s going on recently, I think it’s time we talk.’
Jay silently looked at her as she turned around and sat beside him on the bed again. Her hands began to play with the ring Bray had given her back then at the Ecos headquarter, and she stared at Jay.
‘I know, the last year hasn’t been easy for either of us. We both lost people we cared about, people we loved. Family. And I understand that this changes everyone. Every single one of us had to deal with stuff that, under normal circumstances, no one our age would’ve been able to get over with. And it also made us stronger.’ She paused. ‘But to be strong doesn’t mean you should keep all that’s troubling you for yourself, lock your thoughts behind a wall in your head.’
‘Yeah, I know that’, Jay replied, looking away. Somehow, it seemed that he was more far away now than before.
‘Then talk to me, Jay’, Amber said, ‘Tell me what’s going on with you. Since we got here, you’re not yourself anymore. You’re quieter than I’ve ever seen you. Most of the time, you’re all by your-self. Lottie even told me once that you screamed at her, just because she was looking for something in here. That’s so unlike you. What is it? Ebony? I told what happened wasn’t your fault. No one could have known what would happen.’
‘This has nothing to do with her.’
‘What is it, then? Ved?’ Amber took Jays hand into hers, squeezing it. ‘Look, I know how you feel. I lost my sister to the virus. And Dal, he…’ She swallowed. ‘He wasn’t my brother, but he was my best friend, and the closest thing I had to a brother. I loved him with every inch of my heart, and he was taken away from me just like Ved was taken away from you. I know how hard it is to keep going on, Jay, I really do. But you should stop blaming yourself for it. The promise you gave your mother before she died, to keep him safe, you kept it as long as you could.’ She stopped, looking at him, but he was still avoiding her gaze. Then she let out her biggest fear. ‘Or is it because of Bray? Look, Jay, I know I will never be able to forget him, no matter how much I try to. He’s part of my life, always will be. And to be honest, I don’t want to forget him. He gave me my beautiful son, and yes, I still love him. A part of me will always love him. We both talked about it, you said you were alright with it, that you’d understand. I’m sorry that I keep having these dreams, and I wish I could control them, make them stop, but I can’t. I just can’t. And of all people, I thought you would be the person who’s most understanding. And I love you not only for that, Jay.’ Amber made him look at her again, but what she saw, let her wince. There was an anger in his eyes she’d never seen before, and more. Endless pain.
‘It’s not about Ebony, or Ved, or Bray, or whoever you think this is about, alright? I don’t care about any of them right now. I’m trying to move on here, don’t you see that? I try my best to make this work.’ For a moment, Amber wasn’t sure whether he was still talking about their tribe or their relationship. ‘I’m trying, Amber, I really do. But everybody keeps questioning me about my past. I know I’m not flawless. I made mistakes, and I can’t change what happened. And that’s the worst thing. But at least, I am myself. I am me.’
Amber looked at him; she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. And she was thinking about when this conversation had turned into an argument. ‘What the hell is wrong with you, Jay?’ That’s not you.’
‘You have no idea who I am, Amber. No idea.’ He stood up and started pacing around the room.
‘Then tell me. Let me know you.’
Jay turned towards her, and when he saw how helpless she stared at him, all his anger disappeared. ‘I just…I just don’t know what to do anymore. It’s killing me inside.’
‘What is it?’, Amber asked and pulled him gently back onto the bed. Again, he avoided her gaze, like he’d be ashamed of what he had said before. ‘What’s killing you?’
‘I can’t get it out of my head. Her face. The way she looked at me, when she left.’
‘Who left?’
‘Rochelle’, he replied, his voice barely more than a whisper.
‘Who is she?’
Jay finally looked at her. Tears had started to well up in his eyes.
‘My girlfriend.’

The door slammed shut. Jay just stood there, his heart thumping in his chest, blood pumping through his veins. He felt like he’d never been that angry in his whole life, and he still couldn’t believe what had just happened. That she really had just walked out on him like that.
‘What the hell was that?’ Ved came from upstairs, suspiciously staring at him. He hadn’t slept for days, the rings under his eyes almost looked pitch black, and his skin had taken over a pale color. The sweater he was wearing looked like it had seen better days, and it didn’t really fit him as he had lost weight. He seemed to have aged about thirty years during the past few days. Since their mother had become a victim of the virus.
‘Nothing, Ved. Go back upstairs, everything’s fine.’
‘Yeah, of course. Is that why your face has the same purpur tone like uncle Marty’s, every time something got to him?’ Ved stared at him, a blank expression in his blue eyes. ‘Stop treating me like I’m made of glass, Jay.’
Jay looked at him. His brother kept his gaze, not even flinching. ‘Rochelle. She walked out on me.’
Ved asked, ‘What’s that supposed to mean? She dumped you?’
‘Looks like it. Actually, I don’t care. Maybe it’s better this way.’
‘Come on, you don’t want to tell me she just said that it’s over and left? What was this doorslamming about?’
‘Actually, Ved, it’s none of your business. We have much more important things to do. We run out of food. I need to get out and grab some as long as the shops are open. Who knows when…’ He stopped, not willing to say it out loud. To talk about how long it would last until there were no grown-ups left just made it too real.
‘Actually,‘ Ved said, ‘it is my business. I’m sick of you not wanting to tell me anything, just because mom died. You think I don’t get that you and Rochelle were fighting for days? Do you seriously think I didn’t hear you two arguing about some stupid decisions? I’m not retarded.’
Jay stared at him, realizing again how much Ved had aged. Finding their mother in her bedroom one week ago – or at least, what the virus had left of her, – had changed him forever. He wasn’t the little, annoying brother anymore who always seem to step in on him and Rochelle in the most inappropriate moments.
‘We had a fight. I told her we need to shift a course down. That I need to take care of you and our life now, and that I can’t be with her 24/7. Things have changed, and things will change from now on. Nothing’s gonna be like it used to. I tried to make her understand, but all she was saying was that for her things were clear, that I wouldn’t give a damn about our relationship. She accused me of only caring for my own good, to put everything over our relationship. I got mad, telling her that you were the only family I had left, and that I promised mom that I wouldn’t ever let anything come between that, and asked her if she was too cold-hearted to understand that family is the most important thing there is.’
‘Let me guess: she was quite pissed off.’
Jay nodded. ‘You know what she said? She said that her family was everything for her, but that her father and her mother both showed signs of the virus. They both told her to leave, because they didn’t want her to see them suffer. Rochelle didn’t want to, but she decided to let them both down, to live with me. She…she said it was my fault, because she thought I would be glad she wanted to be with me, leaving her parents to die alone. Then she said it obviously had been a bad idea because I wouldn’t feel the same about her, and that she should’ve known I would never let you down, that I put you over everything else.’ He laughed vacantly. ‘I mean, what was she thinking? That I would leave my brother for her? To go somewhere with her, abandon you? She should know me better. There’s no way I would ever do that, even without the promise I gave mom.’
‘So she dumped you because of me?’
As he heard the pain in Ved’s voice, Jay’s anger disappeared. He looked at his little brother, who was still standing at the staircase, looking like he was lost. And he was lost. All of them were lost now.
‘This has nothing to do with you, Ved. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I thought Rochelle and I…that it was something good. She was just selfless and egoistical, and I am glad it’s over.’
‘Where’s she now? Back to her parents?’
Jay shook his head. ‘She said something about a train that is leaving town this evening. It’s supposed to bring all kids under eighteen out of here, to get them out of the danger zone. She asked me if I was really convinced I didn’t want to join her, and I just stared at her. Then she left.’

Amber looked at Jay, her mind still processing the story he had just told her.
‘Did you see her again after that?’
‘No. After my anger had disappeared, I decided it wasn’t a good idea to separate like that, with this fight between us. I went to her place to talk to her, because I thought she’d be there, telling her parents goodbye for the last time.’ He paused, and Amber felt tears welling up in her eyes when she thought about the moment she had left town back then. Her father had insisted that she would leave him before he died. He had insisted that she wouldn’t ever turn back. And Amber had followed his request. She had kissed and hugged him for the last time, then she and Dal had left Bellevue Heights.
‘But when I got there, I didn’t need to go inside the house to know it was over. I knew she hadn’t come back there. When she had left my parents’ house, she must had been going straight to the train station. I knew it was too late to catch it, so I went back home. I’ve never talked to her again.’
‘Do you know where she went to?’
Before Jay talked again, she felt that something was going on. The way his shoulders suddenly slumped. The tears that had disappeared during the middle of his story, suddenly came back into his eyes.
‘I don’t know where the train was supposed to bring them. Maybe if my mother would’ve made us go, too, I would know, but by the time the news announced that they were preparing trains to bring the kids out of town, she was too weak to make any decisions.’
‘I remember the train,’ Amber said, ‘Some of my friends were brought away. I never heard of them again. Dal and I went to look for a farm out of town, but as you know, we ended up in the Mall. I just hope they all made it out of the danger zone, far away from the virus.’
‘They didn’t.’
Jay’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper, and again, he avoided Amber’s gaze. He stared in front of him, his eyes finding some spot in the far past.
‘The night the train had started off, it had an accident. I don’t know exactly what happened, but some of the gas tanks must’ve gotten too hot. There was a huge explosion. No one survived. It was all over the news.’
‘Oh my god.’ Amber finally saw things clicking together. After her fight with Jay, Rochelle had gotten on the train as fast as she could. They’d never talked again, clearing things up. And she had died in the accident. Jay never had a chance to make it right again.
‘Jay, I…I am so sorry!’ She turned to him, holding him in her arms. She felt his tears falling down on her chest, heard his silent sobs. After a while, she let go of him, and he looked at her, his eyes red-rimmed.
‘I felt so guilty, Amber. When I found out what had happened, it was like I died again. First my father who got killed just before the virus broke out, through a bank-robbber’s bullet, then seeing my mother suffer from her disease, and then Rochelle. I wanted to die so badly, Amber. I felt like it was all my fault. For days, I didn’t eat anything, nothing made sense to me anymore. Even Ved didn’t mean anything to me. I didn’t care about him suffering over our parents’s death, or the situation in town that was going out of hand more and more. I wished that the virus would get a hold of me, too. Because I felt that it would’ve been the only punishment that would make it all right again.’ He paused, taking a long breath. ‘It was a week later, that I finally woke up from this lethargy. I was sitting in my room, staring at the walls and thinking about the possibilities to end my pain, when I heard a loud crash in our living room. I ran downstairs and saw Ved lying on the floor. He had collapsed out of sheer exhaustion. It was the moment I realized what he had been going through these past days. I saw his bones sticking out of his pale skin. It was the moment I knew I had to do something. Ved and I packed all of the things that we seemed to need and left the house. Two days after that, we met Ram and started our new life with the Technos, leaving everything else behind. But I never forgot the way Rochelle had looked at me that day. It was like she knew something would happen, that she was saying goodbye and just wanted to see me one last time. And I never forgot how guilty I felt since then. I keep having dreams about her every night. I can’t forget it, Amber. I moved on, but this whole last year, she never really disappeared, she was in my mind all the time. And when you told me about the dreams you had about Bray, the guilt you felt because you left the city and the possibility to maybe find him one day, no matter what you’ve seen at Mega’s place back then…’
‘It all came back to your mind,’ Amber finished his sentence, nodding. Now she knew why Jay had been so quiet all this time, and she felt stupid, thinking about why it never had occured to her that the reason for his recent behaviour lay in his past. She took Jay’s hands into hers, nothing’s coming to her mind that would make his pain go away. She knew how he felt; she had felt like that for the past months. When she looked at Jay, he took her into his arms. They sat like that for hours, until the sun went down and they finally went to bed, Baby Bray silently breathing in his crib right beside them.

‘I’m sorry, but we’re out of rooms at the moment,’ Ruby answered the young couple standing in front of her. They looked exhausted, like they’ve been walking around for days without proper hours of sleep and food. The girl’s blonde hair fell lose over her shoulders, and she seemed to have difficulties to keep her eyes open. The boy looked a bit more awake, but still, the way he looked around with his hazelnut brown eyes, his hair slightly flying with these movements, told Ruby that there was nothing he wanted more than a bed and a bowl of food. There was something about both of them that made Ruby feel uncomfortable for no particular reason.
‘Are you sure?’ Can’t you check again?’ It was almost breaking Ruby’s heart how desperate the two of them looked, although she had always told herself not to let personal feelings interfere with work issues.
‘I’m sorry,’ she repeated, noticing that except a small backpack, both of them had no luggage with them. The girl nodded, flashing a short smile at Ruby.
‘No problem at all. We’ll find something else. Thank you anyways.’ They both turned around, and Ruby could hear them whispering.
‘I told you we should’ve gone directly where we planned to go. Didn’t you say there’ll be enough place for sure, anyways?’
‘And I told you we can’t. I can’t. Not yet.’
The girl’s shoulders slumped, as she opened the door. Suddenly, an idea stroke in Ruby’s mind, and she shouted, ‘Hey, wait!’ Both of them stopped, turning back to Ruby. In the boy’s eyes, she noticed worry, but in the girl’s, there was something else. Hope.
‘I might know a place where you could stay for a while. Let me just talk to someone.’

‘So, where you’re from?’
Ruby put two glasses of soda in front of the young couple while they were waiting for Amber. She had used the wrist transmitter that the Technos had used back then and that Darryl still used sometimes to contact the Mall Rats. As usual, when she told everyone about the young couple needing a place to stay for a couple of days, Lex and Slade had refused to give them shelter.
‘We don’t even know what this place is, who they are! I’m not gonna let two strangers in here this time, Amber,’ Lex said, ‘this is not an animal shelter, you know?’
‘Lex’s right,’ Slade agreed, crossing both arms over his chest. ‘We still haven’t adjusted to this place, we barely know the people around and moreover, we have our own issues at the moment.’
Eventually, both of them were being overruled by the others. Everyone agreed that the way this city had given them shelter, a home, they should give something back to the two young people.
Now Ruby, the boy and the girl waited for Amber to pick them up. They both seemed relieved, and their exhaustion was almost tangible. But while the girl drank her soda like someone who had spent the last few weeks in the desert, the boy only stared into his glass, running his fingers over its edges.
‘So far away that sometimes I don’t even know if we’re still in the same country,’ the girl said, laughing dry.
‘We are,’ the boy said, and Ruby didn’t know if he was also trying to make a joke or wanted to remind his girlfriend not to be silly.
‘God, where are my manners,’ Ruby said, shaking her head and stretching out her hand. ‘Im Ruby. And you are…?’
Something weird was going on. The two young people in front her changed a fleeting glance, and suddenly, she was sure that the next thing they would say would be a lie.
‘I’m…Grace,’ the girl said, then pointing to her boyfriend. ‘That’s Lucas.’
Lucas looked at Ruby, and suddenly, she felt like she knew him from somewhere. His green eyes looked exhausted but had a determined expression n them that Ruby had only seen once: when Amber had told her back then that she would not ever give up until Mega had paid for what he had done to the city. She could see exactly the same expression in Lucas’ eyes as he stared at her intensively.
Grace must’ve felt the tension that had been built up between Ruby and her boyfriend, because she said, ‘Is it really okay that we stay at your friend’s place? I mean…we’re intruders. We don’t want anyone to have to bother for us, really.’
Ruby smiled at her, glad she could focus on something else than Lucas’ piercing green eyes.
‘Don’t worry,’ she said, ‘Amber is probably the kindest person I’ve ever met. She’ll be glad to help you.’
Something was going on with Lucas. His eyes widened, and his hands that were still playing with his glass, suddenly started shaking uncontrollably. He stood up, the stool he was sitting on falling to the floor with a loud bang. He stared at Grace, then bolted out of the saloon without further comment. For a second, Grace just stood there, staring at the door. Then she seemed to wake up, jumped over the stool and ran after him, shouting ‘Hey, wait!’
Ruby ran to the door, seeing both Grace and Lucas standing in front of a pile of old wheels. She heard Lucas saying ‘I can’t…I just can’t,’ over and over again. When he noticed her staring at them, he whispered something to Grace, and she turned around. Both girls stared at each other for a moment, then Grace mouthed ‘Sorry,’ and she and Lucas disappeared behind the saloon. Ruby just stood there, not able to realize what had just happened. A moment later, she shook her head and went back in as she heard a customer calling out for a new drink.

Amber listened to the story Ruby was telling her. She soaked in every information, because despite the fact that the young couple, Grace and Lucas, apparently didn’t want to be helped, she was determined to give them shelter. She didn’t even know why. Maybe it was the fact that Ruby had told her about their both medical condition: malnourished and as tired as someone who may not even know anymore what sleep felt like.
‘They just ran away? Without any word?’
Ruby shrugged and said, ‘Well, that girl, Grace, she said sorry, but I don’t even know if she was honest about that.’ She snorted.     ‘Anyways, I’m sorry to have bothered you to come out here for…this. I don’t know what got into me, playing the good samatarian for two runaway kids.’
‘Do you know where they were heading off to?’
‘Are you serious?’, Ruby answered, staring at her, blankly. ‘I just told you that they clearly don’t want any help, and you…what? You still want to go look for them?’
Amber didn’t know how to answer. In a way, Ruby was right, it was obvious that her help wasn’t needed anymore. She knew she should just get back to the Mall and take care of the ones that somehow depended on her. She had her own problems, the insomnia still kept her awake at night, even if Jay finally managed somehow to get rid of most of his nightmares. And there was still the unsolved situation with Ebony. She knew she should rather focus on the problems in her own life.
Instead, she said, ‘I just want to know if they’re okay. I know what it’s like, not to know where you belong, not having a place to go to.’
‘And what if they run away again?’
‘Well, at least I can say that I tried what I could.’
Ruby looked at her, then she sighed and said ´, ‘You’re way too good for this world, you know that, right?’

Amber slowly made her way through the forest behind Ruby’s bar. She was thankful that back then, when she was found by the Eco-Tribe, Pride had been determined to make her learn how to read tracks, whether it’s animal tracks or the ones that two pair of shoes leave behind when strolling through thick undergrowth. Branches were broken, separated in the middle. It hadn’t rained for about a week, but somehow, the floor was still slightly wet, and Amber saw two pairs of footsteps in a small puddle of mud right in front of her. She looked up and allowed her ears to be the only senses that took in impressions. Pride had been impressed when he had first seen Amber shot a bird with an arrow, without even seeing it, only by trusting her hearing. He had never seen anyone who was able to shut off all the other senses, and when he had first told her that, Amber had been more than proud on herself. And now, she knew, that all the long hunting lessons with Pride would pay off once again.
Suddenly, she heard a rustling noise coming right in front of her. She ducked, making her way through thick branches, covering her face so she wouldn’t get any scratches. Then she saw a movement, just a slight one, but enough to know that she had found the two kids that had left Ruby standing in front of her bar, startled. While she was rushing through the woods, she tried to remember their names. She knew Ruby had told her, but while the adrenalin was rushing through her veins, she had difficulties to concentrate.
‘Grace! Lucas!’, she yelled, when she finally remembered. ‘Wait! I’m here to help you!’ Amber could still see someone running away from her, and she tried to run a bit faster. ‘If you’re in trouble, we’ll help you! You can stay with us as long as you need to!’
Eventually, she thought she couldn’t run anymore. Her breath came in sharp gasps, when suddenly, first one pair of shoes appeared, then, another. She stopped, looking right into the eyes of the couple that had tried to get away from her so desperately.
For a moment, all Amber could do was staring at them, while she was trying to get her heartbeat to slow down.
Grace was…beautiful. Although her long blond her seemed out of order from the long run, it still had a shiny glance. Her face had a olive tone, which clearly came from being out in the open, but under her eyes, Amber could see dark rings. Her clothes looked surprisingly good, given the circumstances.

Asylum Europe 4 – Frankfurt 24.-26.05.2013 – A Convention Report

My 3rd and last “Supernatural” Convention, taking place at the Sheraton Airport Hotel in Frankfurt. Never thought I’d actually do a Con-Report at all, because it will just turn out to be too long and making me all emotional again, but it was too great to not share it.

Friday, 24th May, 2013:
I arrived at a friend’s place on thursday night, and registration was supposed to be on friday evening at 5pm, which meant a lot of time with the girls I was to meet there: Angii, Claudia, Vanessa, Rebecca, Justine, Laura, Maria & Karina. And of course, to finally meet the two ladies I was dying to see again: Susie & Jaynee, two members of the Staff. I arrived at the Starbucks close to the Sheraton Hotel on friday morning at about 9:15, and from afar, I could already see my friend Angii sitting there with her mother (really, it wasn’t hard to make her out, as she was wearing her monkey hat). I went up to her, and we hugged so tight as if we knew each other in person for years, and we instantly had this connection that I can’t explain. She’s such a cute little girl! We talked a lot about earlier conventions, the other girls, Supernatural, just everything, and it was like there would never be an end to that. After about an hour or sth, we decided to go back to the Hotel Lobby, where we would meet up with the other girls in a few hours, and as soon as we got there, it was easy to get in contact with other fans. The next one who came was Vanessa, who is seriously such a gorgeous girl, and shortly after that, Claudia arrived. Of course, it was weird for me, as I had never met them before, but I instantly liked them. We then decided to walk around the Airport for a while until the others would arrive, and after 2 more hours or so, we all were finally united, and I felt like this group would be the best one for this weekend. As everyone except for me was staying at the Sheraton for the next days, they all checked in at about 1pm, then we all went around the Airport once more until it was time to have lunch. When we got back to the lobby, I heard somebody call my name, and when my head bopped around, I saw Susie standing there, and, despite the stupid look on my face I was SO happy to finally see her again after one year! We had been staying in touch over the past year, and became real good friends, and she had become so dear to me that I only had decided to come to AE4 because she, Jaynee and me had talked for weeks and they had told me they would be there…it had only been 3 weeks before the event  that I had booked my bus and turned in my holiday request at work. We talked for about 15 minutes, I gave Susie and Jaynee the presents I brought them – a tiny penguin for Jaynee, as she had told me she loves every black and white animal, and  a huge package of biscuits for Susie. Dear Lord, I never have seen anybody craving for anything so badly, haha 😀
After that, we were all send downstairs as it seemed we were “disturbing” the other Hotel Guests. Me and the girls went up to their room and started doing random group pictures as a memory until it was time to go downstairs for the registration.

I have no idea how time flew, but suddenly it was 5:30pm and it started…it was honestly a mess. The hotel staff hadn’t managed to get a room ready for it, so everyone was squeezing and shoving each other downstairs infront of a long desk. There was no order at all and the Rogue Staff had a real hard time to bring any order into it (by that time, one of the Staff Members, Dominik, was already losing part of his voice, as he was the one who was trying to manage building queues by shouting). Somehow, in all the crowd, my friends and I managed to be the ones getting registered pretty soon. Gladly, we all were standing at the part of the counter where Susie was doing her job, and I felt very special when I of everyone around was the one who hadn’t had to show her ID, haha 🙂 We all got out badges, our lanyards and the Autograph Sheet and shoved our way outside to get some fresh air and breathe a bit. It just felt like minutes when we heard the news that the last person had been registered and the selling of the Photo Ops would start just now (at about 7pm). I won’t give you a full report of what happened in that crowd, just know that: it was HORRIBLE. People were shoving and pushing each other, and it was SO hot inside that me and my friends thought we would boil on the spot. And actually NOBODY had the dignity to make some space when Rogue Staff Members shoved everyone a bit further back; as as soon as they were gone, everyone was pushing forward again. I actually have no idea how I survived this war, but I got out with my Matt & my Matt & Richard Double Photo Op, all happy. By that time I had no idea that these two wouldn’t be the only ones I’d do that weekend.
Me and my girls went straight for one of their rooms to get ourselves refreshed a bit before the Motto Party that was supposed to happen later that night at 9:30pm. It was fun watching the girls getting ready and all dressed up as Super Heroes; Laura as Captain America and Justine as Nerdy Batman! We then went downstairs to meet the others (except for Maria & Karina, who were so shattered from their long car drive to Frankfurt and the stressful registration that they’d decided to stay up in their room), and Vanessa had the best costume ever: Danaerys, one of the Main Characters of the TV Show “Game Of Thrones” (which I had never seen and don’t intend to, but of course I had seen pictures of that character before), and it was flawless! She even had made herself an own Dragon Egg which looked so real; of course, everyone was amazed and wanted to get a picture with her 🙂 The girls had brought self-made purple nurples to the party, something with wodka, lemon juice, apple juice, Blue Curacao and some other stuff that I can’t remember, but it was delicious! And of course: it was deep purple! As soon as there were the typical “Supernatural” Songs were played (Eye Of The Tiger, Cherry Pie, Carry On My Wayward Son, etc.), the girls rushed onto the dancefloor and started dancing, along with so many others. It was an amazing atmosphere, though I never dance. Too soon, sadly, I had to get home to not miss my last bus, so I said goodbye to the girls and already couldn’t wait for the next morning, where the Convention would REALLY begin!

Saturday, 25th May, 2013:
Finally the weekend really started! The Main Hall, where all the Panels would be happening, was supposed to be open at around 8:30am, and Claudia & Vanessa had told us the night before that they would be sitting infront of the room at already about 6am, to assure we all would get the perfect seats…which we DID. The first two rows were reserved seating, but we were lucky to be the first that were let into the room and got our seats in the third row, just behind them. It was a perfect view, the room was very bright and I knew that it would be the perfect place to get amazing pictures with my Nikon Camera. After a few safety announcements made by Doug, our
all beloved MoC (Master Of Ceremonies), the first Panel started: Misha Collins.
I honestly can’t remember a lot about his panel, because I was so focused on taking like millions of pictures.  I just remember that close to the end, there was this one girl who had prepared a little personal something, reading it out aloud to Misha, expressing her love for him, how much he inspired her and changed her life (which I honestly didn’t like at all, as for me, it was just a weak copy of that one girl a few years back that did the same for Jensen, something that brought tears to my eye, but I just didn’t like that people need to do that, sorry), and Misha actually was really touched and I even think had a hard time not to start crying.

Next Panel on schedule: Richard Speight Jr. What a man. He’s smiling all the time, he just can’t answer questions seriously, and is SO sympathetic in every possible way. Someone in the room asked him if on his journey to Frankfurt there had been some troubles with the train again (which Jared had had 2 years ago, where the suitcases of his wife Gen had been forgotten on the platform in Amsterdam when the train started moving and Jared, all hero-like, hit the emergency stop button; the way Jared had told the story back then was hilarious), and Richard smiled and said no, but asked if everybody in the room already knew Jared’s story, and as there were a lot of Con-Newbies around, he decided to tell the entire story again, and that man…my, I can actually picture him telling Goodnight Stories to his kids, he’s SO good at it! He tells them so vivid, and it’s so much fun to watch his facial expressions and movements while he does, I loved to hear the story his way. It was funny, the story was so long when he told it, that I think out of all questions that were supposed to be asked by fans, he only got to answer three or four before Doug came on stage and told him that time’s up.

Next Panel was the one of Matt Cohen, and that was probably the one I was excited about the most. I just LOVE Matt, I adore him, he’s just the hottest and most beautiful young men I’ve ever seen and met. And I wasn’t disappointed, he looked breathtaking. Again, I can’t remember any of the things that were said, only that he hugged like 3000 people that were queueing at the Microphones to ask their questions; even the ones who didn’t even have any questions, got free hugs. You can imagine it was really tempting to go up there, too, but I just felt like it was pretty pathetic to be like that, not even asking questions, only want to get a hug. Guess I’m too old for this kind of stuff. Anyways, at one point of his panel (where he was walking around like the entire time; it was so difficult to get decent and good pictures of him or anybody this weekend, as they were always moving around and the pics got all blurry), he came up infront of our row and saw my friend Maria typing on her mobile phone – huge mistake. She was tweeting about the panel, and Matt went up to her, wanted to know what she was doing; he then took her phone, and when he noticed it was Richard Speight Jr.’s face as her background picture, took the phone and held it directly into the Camera! It was heaven for Maria, being her first Con and being kind of picked on already. After that, Matt turned into my direction, and when he saw me raising my camera at him, he made the possibly dorkiest face on this planet and let me take a priceless picture. God, I love this man to pieces!

Sadly, I missed most of the next three Panels, that were the ones of first Mark Sheppard, Kevin McNally (that one I missed entirely) & DJ Qualls, as I had to go and take my Photo Op with Matt, which I was so excited about, (and which was amazing;  pic follows further down!) but thankfully, somehow I still managed to take some pictures of Mark’s and DJ’s 🙂

After I got back from my Photo Op, I went straight for the Autograph Room, as honestly, the Panel DJ had wasn’t really  of any interest for me. As I was standing in the queue, waiting for my turn to get my Autograph from Mark, not thinking of ANYTHING bad at all, suddenly, there was this man standing right beside me on the right, leaning in onto me and talking to me in english in a deep voice, and only then I realized it was the one and only Ty Olsson walking around the queues! He stepped to everyone in line, saying that when it was our turn at Mark’s table, we should tell him to write “I love Ty” beside his autograph. I was so starstruck of having Ty being right at my side that I barely listened but stared at him like a fool, managing to ask if I could a quick picture of him; but he just looked at me sadly, saying “I’m not allowed to!” and went off. So when it was my turn, of course I tried to make Mark writing Ty’s exact words in my book, but I almost knew he wouldn’t. First of all because someone in line before me had already told him about Ty’s joke, and second because Mark just doesn’t take part in these kind of jokes, he almost always rejects them. So he just said “I know he made you say that”, signed my book, and I left. It was sad, but I was too excited about Ty standing so close to me that I didn’t care at that moment *lol*
Next one before I wanted to go back to the Panel Room was Misha’s Autograph, because I already feared that I wouldn’t get it the next day, considering the long Queue already. When I got closer to him, I was taking some sneaky pictures, and I suddenly realized that right infront of me, there was a girl in line that had prepared her nails in an amazing way, with a tiny little Castiel painted on every single of the nails. It looked absolutely amazing, and when Misha noticed them, he just couldn’t resist: he asked the girl to stand right behind him, grabbing his face from behing for a picture with Misha’s phone…it was SURREAL, especially, when Richard came from the table next to Misha, staring at what they were doing, grabbing Misha’s phone and took a picture himself. I was still buzzed about this when it was my turn to get my Autograph, but I managed to say “You know we expect this picture to be your new profile pic on twitter!”, but he only looked at me oddly, signed my book and I left. And yes, I felt REALLY stupid at that moment.

When I got back to the Main Hall, the one and only Kim Rhodes was already on stage. WHAT. A. WOMAN. I am honest here: I have never been a fan of Sheriff Jodie Mills, I never missed her when she didn’t show up again, and honestly, can’t even remember any of her storylines (like the ones where her family gets killed?!). But when I had the honour to see her on stage, I was simply blown away. That woman must be the cutest, sweetest, funniest person on this planet! Plus, she is definitely the biggest fangirl this universe has ever seen! When she talked about her first days on the “Supernatural” Set, talking about Jensen & Jared, it was almost like she was talking out of our own hearts, because we all would’ve reacted exactly the same. She expressed her never-ending love for Jensen, told us she loves DJ & James Patrick Stuart to pieces (but also, that we should never tell James anything about that *lol), and also that Julian Richings was amazing. By the end of the panel, there was a girl who came up, giving her a rose as a Thank You for being such an inspiration to her, for being so amazing, and when Kim took it from her, her eyes were watering with tears, which was so humane and cute that I myself felt some tears coming up in my own eyes. Kim made a last statement about how it was NOT okay for men to rape or abuse women, and everyone, me included, had the highest respect ever for this woman! By then, I already was so in love with her, that I spontaneously decided to quickly buy a Photo Op with her, which I did directly after she had left the stage. And I love it to bits!

Please don’t ask me what actually I did after that, I only remember that I missed almost every bit of the Panel of Julian Richings, except for the last minutes, where I took at least some pictures. I just remember that he told us about his small role in the Horror Movie “Wrong Turn”, and I instantly could remember his role, seeing his face and all.

What happened after that…well, I can’t name it, honestly, because it was so absolutely absurd and funny and ridiculous…which was the moment I completely fell for the weird amazingness that is Mr. Ty Olsson, who’s Panel it was next. I’m honest here again, I absolutely disliked Benny, his role on “Supernatural” in Season 8, much of it due to the fact that he has such a hard accent on the show that I really barely understood anything of what he said. Also, his role is so…unlikeable, he drives a wedge between Dean and Sam, because he and Dean become kind of “brothers” in Purgatory, and Benny was just so unsympathetic, I can’t describe it; luckily, as I knew, I wasn’t the only one, almost everyone I talked to this weekend didn’t like him on the show (not a good start for Ty, you might think *lol*). But on this stage, I think everybody started loving Ty. It was the first time any of us had seen one of the actors coming onto stage with Alcohol, drinking beer like the entire time. There was this one girl, just before Ty wanted to take a sip, who shouted: “Are you sure you should drink this?” and Ty just stared at her, grinned, then walked up to her, grabbing her hand and pulling her all the way to the tech balcony, where the stairs were so steep that the day before, he had almost fallen down, without even spilling one sip of his beer back then. I think the entire room was completely dying of laughter. Then there was this girl that Ty caught yawning; he jumped down the stage, ran up to her, grabbing her arm and pulling her up on stage, and started interviewing her, asking  if he was that boring to her. She was french and Ty called up a girl who translated. Jesus, it was hilarious. By the end of his panel (honestly, why did it have to be over so fast?), Rick Worthy crashed it (just as Ty had done earlier on Rick’s), doing a round with his hand over his head, which should indicate the way Vampires “do Alien Babies”. It was the most surreal and weird but also funniest thing we all had ever seen, and it became a total running gag that weekend, one that even Misha picked up on his last Panel on sunday. I won’t talk about seeing A LOT of Rick’s…asscrack that weekend, because I might just get nightmares because of it (on sunday, even Susie went down from the tech balcony to tell him to pull up his pants!) *lol* I think it’s an understatement that I have a thing for Ty ever since that day and I will never be able to see him the same way when I’m going to see him on a TV Screen. Or Rick, for that matter.

After that, we all relaxed a bit on the girls’ room in the Sheraton and got some food into us (okay, hands on table, it were only Starbucks Frappucino’s). Later, Rebecca & Justine, who had been one of the last lucky ones to get a Meet & Greet with all the actors, went off, and while Laura chilled somewhere (seriously, girl, where did you go? *lol*), Karina & Maria relaxed up on their rooms, so did Claudia & Vanessa, and I went around with Angii and her mother until Claudia texted me if I could come up to their room to practise their pose for their Misha Photo the next day (which had turned out to be total crap and which would be redone on sunday). After that, I went back to Angii and we somehow overcame the time until it was time to get ready for the 2nd Motto Party in the evening (except for Rebecca, Justine & Laura, none of us others went to the Jason Manns concert, which I regret now, as Richard and even Ty had been there, too, singing; I am so stupid.) Neither Claudia nor Vanessa or me stayed long, though, as we were all tired and didn’t want to go to bed too late, as the next day would start at 6am infront of the Main Hall again (and again, Vanessa & Claudia both saved us amazing seats in the 4th row!!!). I went home and after a little bit to eat, went off to bed. The next day would be long and hard, as it would be the last day and also meant a couple of really, really hard Goodbyes…

Sunday, 26th May, 2013
I think it is not an understatement that everyone in the Main Hall that morning was tired as hell, totally shattered. It was no surprise, then, that, as two Stewards who helped Rogue out that weekend – Ines and Rea, I believe, – played with little plush toys infront of the camera, up on the tech balcony, the ENTIRE room went totally nuts. Everyone was laughing and cheering while “Circle Of Life” from “The Lion King” was playing in the background (damn you, Doug *lol*), and I was just like: “WTH?, and I think it was Justine who said what I was thinking: “You really know that everyone in here is tired as fuck when they totally freak out because of some plush animals infront of a camera.” I love you, Jussy 😀
After that, Doug came on stage, telling us that there had been a slight change of schedule: due to the fact that Matt had to leave earlier, right after the Closing Ceremony that evening, Misha’s and his Panel were switched around, so that the first one that day would be the one with Richard Speight Jr. & Matt Cohen, while the one with Misha would be the last one on that day. I think no one had a problem with finishing that weekend with Misha, and Doug won all our hearts when he said: “I bet everyone of you would like to finish on Misha.” That man is too hilarious.
When Richard and Matt came on stage, it was clear to me that again, it would be quite difficult to get some good pictures, as they are probably the ones that are walking around their panels the most. Again, Matt gave free hugs to the entire audience, whoever asked for it, and he and Richard harmonized so well together! They were talking about earlier roles, and suddenly, Doug displayed old pictures of Richard on a big screen, where he was about 18 and had terrible hair. Matt was totally blown away by that, and instantly took a picture of him infront of the pictures (what a fangirl!), and they were followed by a Police Transvestite picture of Matt in one of his roles, and a dorky Photo Op picture of Richard and him on some Convention. I sadly don’t really remember much more about their Panel, only that of course, it was way too short and I loved it. These two on a Convention are always more than fun. Next Panel…god, Ty Olsson & Rick Worthy. In the morning. And we all just KNEW they would come up on stage with at least one bottle of beer in their hand, each. Well, it wasnt just one bottle…they had brought two barrels of beer and also, three or four more bottles that were already standing on the table on stage, and all I could think was: “What the hell is going on here?” Both of them just didn’t disappoint us in any way, they were BREATHTAKING. They are the funniest people I have ever seen, and not for the first time I deeply regretted that I hadn’t get a Ty Photo Op or one with him and Misha, and that I hadn’t any time to go and get some more money to afford it (apart from the fact that actually I didn’t have the money for the Kim Photo earlier, either). Of course, Rick and Ty both got us all pregnant with their “Alien-Vampire-Babies-Hand-Over-The-Head”-Gesture – I doubt this will EVER get old, – and as I said before, Susie came down once to tell Rick to “please pull up his pants”, and Ty made the joke like he was pulling a credit card down Ricks’s…crack. I feel like I’m almost going red by just thinking about that. At one point of the panel one girl reminded Ty that the day before, he had promised he would be singing in his panel on sunday, and what followed was something SO beautiful it brought tears to my eyes: him and Rick were singing the children’s lullaby “You are my sunshine”, and I was really impressed by how soft and smooth Ty’s voice sounded, I loved it! They also both danced with two fans infront of the stage, and it would be an understatement if I’d say it had been kind of a dirty dance *lol*. Just before the end, Rick spotted one fan that was dressed up in a costume of a blue fox and got a little “foxy” with her/him. I think I can never look at either of them – neither Rick nor Ty – in a normal, humane way. Never. *lol*

Next two Panels were Mark Sheppard and after that DJ Qualls & Kevin McNally. Can’t really say a lot about them; Mark’s panels are almost always the same. He said “I. Am. Your. King.” a couple of times, something I love about him, because he’s so much of Crowley that you just gotta like him, even if he doesn’t do all the things you ask of him once you stay infront of him. And DJ & Kevin…I might better not say that, but although they seem nice and cool and kind of funny, neither of them really were interesting to me, so their Panels were the ones I could easily avoid in order to get my Photo Ops taken or my Autographs. Which doesn’t mean that I don’t have respect of them, I do! It’s just, they didn’t leave a huge impression on me on the Show, so they’re just not my favourites and never will be. Though DJ can be cute, gotta admit that 🙂

After the break (which was between the Panel of Mark and the one of Kevin & DJ), I had a Photo “Date” with my lovely ladies, Susie & Jaynee. When I knew I was coming to AE4, this was in my head like all the time. I knew this would probably be the last time I’d see them both for a very long time or maybe forever, so you can imagine my sunday was…dichotomous. On the one hand, I enjoyed every bit of this last day, on the other hand, right when I woke up that morning and later, sat in the Main Hall, tears started welling up in my eyes just thinking of the Goodbyes in the evening. So I had managed to meet up with both of them at 2pm at the Photo Studio Room to take Photo Ops together. When I arrived there and got into the room, there were only the two Photographers there, Chris and the other girl, one guy that was sitting at the Laptop, Jaynee, Susie…and Mark Sheppard, who had had his Photo Session just before the lunch break. I saw Susie cuddling up with him and felt weird standing there like ordered but never collected, but Susie then told Chris we wanted to take pictures, and he got in position; so did we. First pic was me and Susie, then I took both, Jaynee and her, on my my left and right side for a pic together, last one was one with Jaynee. It might sound creepy and childish and needy and pathetic, but in that moment, I must’ve been the happiest person on this planet. Since I knew for over an hour I would take the pics with them, I was more excited about it than I had ever been about any Photo Op I had taken with any actor brought to Germany by Rogue Events. It meant I would’ve own a wonderful memory and a great picture that no one could take away from me. And knowing that both of the ladies enjoyed that too, and were happy we did it, just made me even more happy.

After I was out of the Photo Studio, I went straight for the Autograph Room, knowing that the Panels that were happening right now weren’t my faves (I completely missed the Panel of Julian & Kim, but heard Kim was cute as ever and Julian was pretty cool). When I got there, first thing I noticed: Queues of Death. There was a short line and a VERY long line; the short one, I thought, was probably for Rick or Ty, the long one for Misha – well, wrong. It was the complete opposite. The long queue was for Rick AND Ty, and I was pretty amazed by how popular they both already seemed to be – I mean…Misha? Hello? He’s probably everyone’s favourite puppy in the fandom! But I understood the hype, as I just had fallen in love with Ty the day before, and as I stood in the Queue, getting closer, I could hear music coming from his direction, because he had his mobile phone on his table, blasting Hip Hop out of its speakers. When it was my turn, I gave him my Autograph book and as there was not much space on the one side anymore (I didn’t want to start a new page for just 1 Autograph of Rick), I told him to not sign too big, so that Rick would still be able to sign on the same page as him. Ty looked and me in this strange but very tempting way, like “Uhm…are you serious?” and I said “Well, but it won’t be a problem, Rick can also sign on the next page, you don’t have to squeeze your Autograph in some way, no problem!”, because I had a weird feeling…which was completely justified. I should’ve known that, as just before Ty started signing, he grinned at me in this odd way, a way that seriously made my knees buckle, and then he squeezed his Autograph in the far left corner, REALLY tiny, not more than a little circle, and wrote “Sorry I took up space” right beside it on the bottom on the page. At first I was like: “WTF?” but later, it made me smile so much because I knew this made his Autograph even more special for me (of course, this was nothing compared to the Autograph my friend Laura got from him just before me: “Nice boobs…I mean, shoes” *lol*)

After that, we went all the way to the back again to queue for Rick, and it seemed like his Queue NEVER ended; the more we came forward, the slower it got, and we knew that Rick took his time to talk with everyone who was standing infront of him which was seriously so nice…but considering that it was Misha’s panel a few minutes later, that wasn’t really comforting at all. But then something happened that none of us had expected: Misha, who was sitting at the table right beside Rick, started throwing Marshmallows at the queues. He had gotten them from some fan, and obviously, he’s not really the Marshmallow Type. Some people got them thrown against their head, some caught them and ate them…but most of them – me, Rebecca & Justine, who were standing in Rick’s Queue, included, – caught them, only to throw them back at Misha. It was really a Marshmallow War…and the funniest thing I was ever honoured to be a part of. We were laughing our asses off when one girl threw one of the Marshmallow back at him, hitting him on his chest, and another one (actually, the one that I threw) almost hit the Rogue Staff Member that sat next to him against her head. There was this one girl, Kim, who was standing right infront of us, and when Misha threw one of the sweet things at her, she caught it right in her mouth, and everyone was cheering, even him. When he finally had to leave for his panel, he still threw Marshmallows at us, and we were throwing them back; I will not tell you how bad the floor looked after that, I’ll just say that I’m glad I wasn’t part of the Hotel Staff that day *lol*

After that, we three rushed back to the very last panel of the weekend…which started like really weird. After a few minutes, we all could hear Misha’s voice blasting through the speakers, but none of us could make him out…when suddenly, his face appeared on one of the screens, and everyone instantly cheered and knew that he was hiding up at the tech balcony, with a camera pointed on him! He told us that he felt like he was so popular already that he had overcome the need to be seen by us in person on stage, and that he had to fly home earlier, that right at that moment, he was back home in his bathroom in Los Angeles. There were shouts from the entire audience to make him come down, and suddenly, his body popped up over the balustrade, he pulled a face and shouted: “Don’t yell at me!!!”
I honestly don’t remember anything that was said in this panel, guess I was too focused on taking pictures and realizing it were only a few minutes left until this perfect weekend was already over again. At one point in the middle, suddenly, Kim, Matt, Richard & Julian showed up on stage; everyone was saying their Thank You’s for an amazing weekend, told us how much they loved and enjoyed everything and that they hoped they’ll be back in Germany one day. That was the first time I felt tears coming up inside of me, but somehow, I could hold them down. Misha went on with his panel, but after 10 minutes, the rest of the lot came up on stage: Ty, Rick, Kevin, DJ & Jason Manns, and in that moment I knew it was over. The guys all said their Thank You’s, too, how much they loved it here, and when Misha said “Guys, I think I speak for all of us when I say that this is our version of heaven”, I was done, the first tear came out of the corner of my eye. Then Doug came on stage, and everyone in the audience – we knew this would mean the definite end, it was never good when Doug came on stage during the panels *lol* – was shouting “GO AWAY, DOUG!!” and when Doug went off stage, Misha called him back with “Come back, Doug!”. They all “guarded” him in their midst, started to cuddle and nudge him, and Misha even started nibbling at his left ear; the audience went mad. Then Misha said “And I think that Doug’s going to lead you out with a song” and…Doug started singing “Bohemian Rhapsody”. Well, it’s a miracle I didn’t collapse, considering it is my all-time favourite song, being the biggest “We Will Rock You” and Queen-Fan; all actors on stage were singing along, and by the time Ty made us all cheer and clap as loud as we could (honestly, it was like being in a huge stadium, it was a BLAST!), really EVERYONE in that room stood up and gave them and Doug and just everyone of Rogue long Standing Ovations. I couldn’t have pictured a better end to that weekend, it was flawless.

I didn’t care that my tears now really had started flowing, and when me and my girls left the room and Rebecca, Justine and me went off to collect our Matt/Richard Double Photo, I noticed how quiet and serious Rebecca had gotten. When we got into the crowded room, we three were standing in the Queue and started talking about how Vanessa & Claudia already had been totally teared up when we left the room, and somehow I kept my strength, but when I saw Justine next to me turning away, swiping her eye, I broke down and started crying, and soon after me, Rebecca started, too. There we were, the biggest babies on this planet, crying like someone had just died, knowing it would be the last Con-Weekend we all would have, that it was a Final Goodbye…it was horrible, honestly. I won’t go into detail here, because it just brings up everything again. After we went back to the others down at the Registration desk, we all build a circle and hugged each other, then we took a few Goodbye Pictures.

By that time, I think my face must’ve been a complete mess. I couldn’t stop crying while I was texting with Susie, who wanted to know where I was – I knew she was coming to say Goodbye. And that was something I couldn’t cope with. When my friend Angii at one point, while we stood all there, sobbing, pointed to the hallway, saying “There’s Susie”, and I went up to her, I felt like there was something breaking inside of me. She stared at me with a shocked glare when I reached her and asked “Why are you crying?”, and all I could do was shaking my head. I don’t really remember a lot she said to me, I just remember feeling her hugging me as tight as no one had ever hugged and hold me before. Minutes passed until she let go of me, trying to comfort me. Then Jaynee came, seeing me crying, pulling me into her arms, trying to make me stop crying with making some jokes, telling me she would slap me if I wouldn’t stop right there. But I just couldn’t stop at all, even as Staff Members from Rogue came up to me, pulling me into their arms, too (thanks so much for that, Dominik, and that woman who showed me a picture of her nephew in a ridiculous costume that made me laugh somehow), and then there was this one girl I knew from tumblr – Ines. She talked to Susie, saying her Goodbyes, then looked at me, and before I knew what was happening, pulling me into her arms, hugging and comforting me too, and that was the moment I think I realized what was going on there. I won’t go into further details about my entire Goodbyes with Susie & Jaynee here, because it’s something really dear and private to me, and because it just brings up the worst pain I’ve ever felt. It was the most beautiful and at the same time most horrible moment of my entire life, getting so close to my two wonderful friends, just to let them go – maybe for good – too soon. One thing stayed in my mind and I really try to cling to that since that night, one sentence Susie said to me just before she left for good:

“Remember: you don’t have to see each other to have a friendship.”

So, this weekend was beautiful and perfect in every way. I loved that I got to spent more time with Jaynee & Susie, that I got to know all the wonderful girls I only knew over twitter or one short meeting – Rebecca, Justine, Vanessa, Claudia, Maria, Laura, Karina & Angii – and that they made my weekend SO unforgettable! I am happy that only by accident, I got in touch with Ines, who I think could even become a great friend to me, given time and all.

My resumé of this weekend: NEVER give Misha Collins sweets that could be adapted for throwing, if you want a beautiful, cute, normal Photo Op with Matt Cohen & Richard Speight Jr…DON’T TELL THEM, because in the end, they’ll just screw it up anyways *lol*, sleep and food are overestimated, it’s never a shame to cry into your friends’ arms…and Mr. Ty Olsson got himself a huge Groupie. THANK YOU for everyone who participated in all of this with me, who made it through all the Queueing-Madness and who indulged with me in any way. I love you all to bits! ❤