Book Review: John Green – “An Abundance Of Katherines”

When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton’s type is girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times, to be exact. On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has ten thousand dollars in his pocket, a bloodthirsty feral hog on his trail, and an overweight, Judge Judy–loving best friend riding shotgun—but no Katherines. Colin is on a mission to prove The Theorem of Underlying Katherine Predictability, which he hopes will predict the future of any relationship, avenge Dumpees everywhere, and finally win him the girl. Love, friendship, and a dead Austro-Hungarian archduke add up to surprising and heart-changing conclusions in this ingeniously layered comic novel about reinventing oneself. (Source: amazon.com)

Alright, so my first thought about this book: “WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ?!” I found it pretty hard to read myself into this story, way more difficult than into any other book I’ve ever read. First of all, this is the only book of all the ones I’ve read of John Green that does NOT have a first-person narrator – which was weird at first, if you are used to it after 4 books. The second thing that bugged me from the beginning to the end is split up in two parts:

1. Footnotes. I had no idea this book would be built up like that. For instance, Colin’s best friend is an arabian guy called Hassan. Now, it can’t be avoided to throw in the one or other arabic word, which, of course, has to be explained. That was not my personal problem, because I have to admit, it’s nice to have them explained, to learn some words of a language that is so foreign to you. The thing is: throughout the story there are at least three footnotes in each chapter, mostly mathematical, and the moment you see them, you have the actual intention to memorize them until the end…but when you reached said end of the chapter, you have basically forgotten what the footnote is explaining (and turning back the pages is already annoying when I’m reading a normal book, but as a matter of fact, I read this particular one on my Kindle, so turning back was no option for me).

2. Math. Urgh. I mean, I am not at all into math. In fact, I absolutely despise it. That may be because I have no clue whatsoever about any of that subject matter, never have and never will, but I also think it’s one of the most annoying things human kind has ever invented. And the fact that John Green himself only had a C- in Pre-Calc makes me wondering even more what the hell he was thinking putting all these mathematical parts into the story (not to mention the author’s note at the end of the book that I skipped after 4 pages because I understood Jack Squad).

If you leave these two factors out, there’s still potential in the book. It’s nice to accompany nerdy, not self-conscious Colin on his road trip to find himself and the answer to all his problems – which of course, you’ll never find. What I learned throughout reading is that no matter how much you try to find answers to your current problems, on your way to find those answers, there will be more problems/questions that you want to solve; therefor, it’s an endless journey during which it’s easy to forget who you are, and what really matters. Maybe with this story, John Green has sent out a moral to everyone who has ever had their heart broken (which, basically, everyone has, hands down). And for the first time in all the 4 books I’ve read of him so far, I got a Happy End, which was nice for a change.

I have to admit, the characters did not leave me in so much awe as all the other characters in John Green’s stories, except for Lindsey Lee Wells, the female “heroine”. Once again, a girl is the star, a fierce, funny and “She’s-going-to-suck-you-in-no-matter-what-you-do”-kind of person who I, personally, warmed up to instantly. Just as I did with Hassan, Colin’s best friend, although to me, he seemed a bit flat compared to earlier best friend characters, like Ben Starling in “Paper Towns” or even Isaac, Augustus Waters’ best friend in “The Fault In Our Stars”. He was funny, no question, but for me, something was missing about his character, a certain edge that I admire so much about every other of John Green’s best friend characters.

All in all, from all the novels by John Green I know so far, this is the weakest one, although not a bad one. I would still recommend it for the sake of the reader maybe finding some things out about themselves, especially if they’re currently on a journey through a break-up or just a simple “breaking-heart-syndrome”. And for all the fans of his novels, I think it is a must-read.

Book Review: John Green – “Looking For Alaska”

Before. Miles “Pudge” Halter is done with his safe life at home. His whole life has been one big non-event, and his obsession with famous last words has only made him crave “the Great Perhaps” even more (Francois Rabelais, poet). He heads off to the sometimes crazy and anything-but-boring world of Culver Creek Boarding School, and his life becomes the opposite of safe. Because down the hall is Alaska Young. The gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy, self-destructive, screwed up, and utterly fascinating Alaska Young. She is an event unto herself. She pulls Pudge into her world, launches him into the Great Perhaps, and steals his heart. Then. . . .

After. Nothing is ever the same. (Source: amazon.com)

ATTENTION: This post might contain spoilers.

Just WOW. Once again.

It has been a long time since I read a book in less than a day. But this particular one’s structure  made it inevitable for me to read slowly, due to the simple fact that it contains only two parts: “Before” and “After”. And while reading the “Before” part, you just go on and on, because you get this weird feeling that there is a reason behind the “After” part, that there is something bad going to happen, and in my opinion, it’s a primary instinct that you just need to know what it is – if it hurts your feelings or not.

Once again, the main female character in John Green’s book is a fierce, energetic, young woman who mostly lives in a little bubble of her own, which shows itself in the way she behaves around the ones closest to her – like Alaska Young. She’s described as someone who is easy to be around, who draws you in, lets you have a positive look on the world despite all the bad things in it. And then there is Miles Halter, the other protagonist. Miles is everything a boy/girl these days probably doesn’t want to be: nerdy, quiet, unpopular. But in my opinion, that is what makes him loveable to the reader, what makes someone warm up to him (I hope it’s not just me!). It’s funny how Green manages it with just a few words, right at the beginning, to draw his readers in – it’s an ability not many writers have nowadays, sadly. And I have to admit, these kind of characters he writes about slowly  become my favourite kind of characters, because personally, it has never been so easy for me to empathize with characters as it is when I read his books.

One of the most interesting things about the story is maybe the character development that runs from the beginning right to the end. Miles, at first a shy, quiet person who only leaves his home to find his “Great Perhaps”, turns more and more into a more self-confident young man, and it’s funny how at the end you imagine him right infront of your eyes, being all grown-up as if years have passed since he came to Boarding School – though it’s actually hardly 12 months.

Alaska Young, on the other hand, keeps being a mystery from the first page, when she’s introduced, until the very end, when Miles finally gives up on understanding her for the sake of his own happiness. Throughout the book, she’s described in ways that makes the reader almost scream with frustration (e.g. one moment she and Miles spent a “date-like” evening all alone together, the next day she pretty rudely blocks him off for no particular reason); and still, it doesn’t change how the reader (or me, personally) thinks of her. Even more, I think that all the mysterious and inexplicable mood swings keep the storyline going – you practically wait for an explanation for all this, because…well, because there just has to be one, right?

The other thing that made being glued to the pages: the subject of the book. Miles, Alaska and her friends have religion classes, and they are talking about different religions and their view on the world, including their different thoughts on Afterlife. Now this may be a touch subject, because, obviously, it contains conversations about death, and moreover, it forces the reader to think about death, afterlife and his/her own opinion on that matter – especially in the “After” part.

Now, I’ll try to not give away too much, but in my opinion, what John Green did with that part – it was a stroke of genius, and maybe even a slightly psychological trick. Of course it’s kind of unsatisfying that the reader never really finds out what really happened to Alaska, because hands down, who doesn’t wish for Happy Ends in books / ends where everything is cleared up? Then again, I’ve come to the conclusion that the maybe unsatisfying events in that second part of the book were intended; are a way to make the reader think about themselves. If you personally think that what happens to Alaska was self-inflicted, then it might throw a kind of disturbing light on yourself, maybe even up to the point where you question your own life. And if you are that kind of reader that just thinks “A lot of things happen for no reason, you can’t stop the inevitable.”, then it seems you’re happy with yourself, your life and everything and everyone in it, which is – obviously -, the better of the two trains of thought.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, I love how John Green kind of plays with his readers. He lets them make up their own mind, he doesn’t just put answers inside of their heads to satisfy them, no, he gives everyone the possibility to find their own solution, and, in doing so, their own satisfaction with how the story turned out. The book doesn’t even let you go as soon as you’ve finished it (an ability that all of Green’s books carry with them), because due to the end that has been chosen, it may pop back into your head every now and then. And isn’t that the best thing about good books?

Yet another masterpiece of modern literature by John Green, highly recommended.

Book Review: John Green – “Paper Towns”

Who is the real Margo? Quentin Jacobsen has spent a lifetime loving the magnificently adventurous Margo Roth Spiegelman from afar. So when she cracks open a window and climbs into his life – dressed like a ninja and summoning him for an ingenious campaign of revenge – he follows. After their all-nighter ends and a new day breaks, Q arrives at school to discover that Margo, always an enigma, has now become a mystery. She has disappeared. Q soon learns that there are clues in her disappearance . . . and they are for him. Trailing Margo’s disconnected path across the USA, the closer Q gets, the less sure he is of who he is looking for... (Source: amazon.com)

I am going to be honest here: after I had read “The Fault In Our Stars” (read my review for it here), – I doubted I’d ever read another John Green book again. Not because I didn’t like it or because it wasn’t good – because it was good, it was amazing, actually, but normally I don’t read books like that, and it didn’t leave me as satisfied as books usually do. But somehow, while browsing through amazon, I came across “Paper Towns”. And after reading the story description, I decided to give John Green another go.

And I am so happy I did.

This book is kind of similar to “The Fault In Our Stars”, considering the main character, Margo Roth Spiegelman. She’s badass. There’s no other way to put it. While reading this book, I liked her from the first second she was mentioned – as a 9-year old, adventure-loving, non-scared little girl that drags her best friend, who is the exact opposite of her, into her weird and adventurous discoveries. As a reader, you just can’t help but helplessly admire that little girl that grows into an 18-year old woman, only a few months away from her High-School graduation, and still badass. I caught myself thinking about how much I would’ve loved to be like her, to grow into someone like her, with so many mysteries about her and an fearless attitude of pure strength. Strong-Minded. It sounds weird, but Margo Roth Spiegelman embodies everything that possibly alot of readers wish to be, too – me included.
But apart from the fact that Margo is one of the best characters that I have ever read about without her being a “physical” part of the story, all the other characters are nonetheless perfectly written:

Quentin Jacobsen
He is the actual main character, and Margo’s best friend when they are kids. One day, 9 years after they discovered a dead body in a park not afar from where they live, she shows up on his windowsill in the middle of the night and takes him onto an adventure of revenge that will change his life forever – and will mark the best night of his entire life. Quentin (or Q, how he’s often named by his friends) is such a lovable character; he’s in love with Margo from the get go, and from the moment she disappears, becoming yet another mystery, his everyday life evolves around finding her, finding out who she really is. He is determined to put everything into his search, even if it means almost losing his best friend and missing out on his graduation. It’s easy to feel sympathy for him, whatever he does – he’s the nice boy next door that you just can’t help but fall for.

Ben Starling
Ben is Quentin’s best friend – and god, from all the characters in this book, I could and can never get enough of him. He’s the most hilarious and sympathetic character I have ever had the pleasure to read about, without any doubt. He’s best described as the poor dork at High School that doesn’t have a lot of friends, but he’s perfectly happy in his own little world, and his nerdy, funny character makes you smile whenever you hear his name. There is one point in the book – in the last of the three parts, – where I almost laughed out loud on the bus (I’m not going to spoil it for anybody here, I’m just going to say “pee situation in the car” – utterly hilarious), and for me, that is one of the best moments of him in the entire book, although I can’t really picture anything that does not strike me as awesome about him. He’s quick-witted, sarcastic, and he handles every situation the way that I personally, would love to be able to handle. He’s that one friend that you just need in your life to get through (High) School, that one friend that makes your life bearable and worth living. So if it’s possible to be in love with a fictional character, then I am now in love with Mr. Ben Starling.

Radar
Radar is the other best friend of Quentin, an Afro-American boy with parents who are obsessed with collecting Black Santas. Radar is kind of the “brain” of the group, he runs an internet knowledge thing called “Omnictionary”, and basically, he knows a bit about everything. Plus, he’s kind of what keeps the friends together, even when there are bumps in the road (e.g. when Quentin feels let down by Ben due to him having a girlfriend). He’s also the one that helps Quentin piece together all the clues that he has to face on his quest to find Margo and despite all the difficulties, he never seems to lose his positive energy, something I really admired through every chapter. He’s definitely the kind of friend someone like Quentin and Ben need in their life: a grown-up, yet still grounded and somewhat “young at heart” young man.

I have to say: for me, the book never really loses its pace, although you would expect that from the way the story developes; in part one, the reader is first introduced to Margo and Quentin and is led into the night that Margo “kidnaps” Quentin for her weird revenge spree, the second part is based on the moment that Margo disappears and Quentin dedicates his life to her safe return home, and the third part describes the road trip of the friends that lead to the ultimate revelation.
Although you might think that the 2nd part can be the one that is the dullest of all, because, basically, all that’s happening is leading Quentin everywhere and nowhere. It can be easy to lose yourself in the storyline, you can get easily annoyed by thinking “He finally found a clue to her! Now he is finally going to find her!” only to then being disappointed again. But for me, that was even more of a reason to keep reading, because I felt like the disappointments that Quentin felt whenever he realized he wasn’t closer to finding Margo than he had been before, was my disappointment. I felt like I was Quentin, because I could easily empathize with him – which is only one of many reasons why this book is the perfect example of modern literature.

My favourite part – without a doubt, – was definitely the third part, which is called “The Vessel”, where the friends start their road trip. I think I have never grinned so much at every single chapter, and neither did I ever have so many difficulties to not laugh out loud at what I was reading. For me, reading something and instantly having the situation infront of your inner eye, is beautiful (although I have never been in the USA, neither have I ever been on a road trip of 21 hours), and it makes the story so much more vivid than it already is.

The end was something I did not expect in the way it happened. I will not spoil anything for anyone here, because honestly, I think everyone should read this book for him/herself. But what I’m going to say is this: the end made me highly emotional. I barely ever cry over a story/book (mostly due to the fact that I always read thriller or horror books, I guess). But right now, I am a somewhat emotional wreck, because I don’t even know how I actually feel about the end. In some way, it’s the best ending that, in my opinion, the author could and should have come up with. In its own way, it’s absolutely perfect.

And for me, that is enough to give this book a special place in my heart. John Green now definitely has me as a fan among his readers. “Paper Towns” is one utterly beautiful piece of literature.

P.S. Please make Ben Starling a real life person that lives next door to me and is single. Thank you.

Book Review: A. J. Penn – “The Tribe: A New World”

(If you want to know what this is all about, go on here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tribe_%28TV_series%29

You know these books/stories that instantly vault you right back to your 14-year old self, due to being written about a series you watched during your childhood/teenage years and that even after almost 14 years is still able to grab you and draw you in? Yes, THAT.

This book has seriously killed me. Just finished it and seriously sitting here, thinking about it and its end, and I want to shake my head in disbelief. Pure and happy disbelief.

It’s been over 13 years since I’ve last seen or read anything about my favourite series when I was a teenager – most based on the fact that a.) the books that were written about the series and the characters are really, really terrible. Like…stay away from them if you can. I bet my friend Laura’s 5 year old son could write something better. For real. And b.) I’ve come to the conclusion that, as time went on, I built up my own life, living on my own for almost 10 years now, I just got too old for this kind of stuff, stories about a world were all the adults have perished, wiped out by a mysterious virus. Little did I know that this book would bring me the closest to my childhood than I have been since I moved out all these years back.

I have to speak verbosely now, to make people understand what this series and everything about it meant and apparently still means to me. I realized that it and its characters/actors have actually saved my life. During the time it was airing in Germany, I was going through the darkest chapter of my life, having to live with bullying at school and at home with the abusive and alcoholic boyfriend of my mother, and knowing this series existed brought me through that time. Seeing the characters on screen coping with their horrible situations every day, it made me pull through every horrible day I had myself. I admired them. And especially one of them.

Amber aka Beth Allen.

I guess you can say that without even knowing it, that girl/woman was my first “girlcrush”, in a non-sexual way. True, she was beautiful, stunning, and the way she dressed was taking me in, and I was more than ambitioned to one day wear my hair as she did (Zulu Braids, seriously?). But what mostly impressed me was her character. She was fierce, she was caring, she was loving, she was brave, funny, the born leader. Hell, I wanted to be like her so much it literally hurt. Plus, she got together with the most beautiful guy on the show, Bray aka Dwayne Cameron. They were my first true One True Pairing, as the saying in series fandoms is nowadays. I was in full awe when after what felt like an eternity, they finally got together, and after a short break-up, found to each other again. Then the Season 1 finale came, and my world was shattered.

The writers had decided to write Amber aka Beth Allen out of the show, let her die in an explosion inside of an observatory. I don’t exaggerate when saying the moment it was clear that one of two graves was for her, I wanted to die, too (remember, that series saved me from a very dark chapter in my life). I know it sounds pathetic, but it’s true. I felt like my whole world was falling apart in one instance. She came back in Series 3 (you’ll have to find out yourself, how, but it was a brilliant move), and I was beyond happy about the fact my favourite TV couple (and actors) were back together. They lived happily, their baby boy was born during an invasion of their home town…and once again, my world was shattered when the writers wrote Dwayne Cameron aka Bray out of the series. I mean, seriously? It had never been clear if he had just been abducted and dragged somewhere far away to work for his perpetrators or if he had been killed, and although all this time has passed since then and my life has moved on, in my heart, I wanted to believe he was still alive in some universe, even if it was only in my own stories.

This book made my dreams all come true. Because Bray came back. Not unharmed, but badly bruised and traumatized, and in constant flight of different enemies, but still – ALIVE.

I almost swallowed this book in one piece, because…jeez, it’s so well-written. Compared to all the other books about the series, this is an improvement of over 1000%, by far! The 1st chapter (especially the end of it) left me speechless, because I was already taken by surprise that one of my favourite characters was indeed very much alive, but also that the one enemy that creeped me out to no end (who was supposed to be gone for good) was back…and who is not even mentioned for the rest of the book, only appeared in that one single sentence. And I guess that’s one of the things that made me, as a former loving fan of the series, continue reading even quicker than I would’ve done anyways. As I said at the beginning: this book grabbed me by the arm with a merciless grip, and vaulted me right back into 2001. The different storylines are switching between each other in every chapter – the destiny of the main tribe, The Mall Rats, on a journey to the unknown, Bray, who gets into more trouble over and over as he manages to escape his first torturer, and Ebony, a former Mall Rat, who at one point decides to take her life into her own hands and disappear. I felt like that whenever I finished a chapter, I needed to know how one party moved on, and in order to that, I had to “jump” into a different storyline, getting past it – but not in a way like “Urgh, not that storyline again, can’t I just skip it”, but more of a…I can’t even explain it. There are parts in the book, especially in the first few chapters, when (for my taste) the storyline inside one chapter is jumping between characters way too quickly – one sentence is about one character being in thoughts about one thing, the next sentence is written in another character’s point of view, and the next one is about someone else of the group, again. I have to admit, it can be kind of exhausting and confusing, but still, it didn’t diminish the tension you feel while reading it, the suspension throughout the entire book, and it was never a reason for me to put it away for a second (except for the time I spent at work or sleeping, obviously). Because that one thing that mattered to me and that I wanted to happen more than anything else (hello, 14-year-old me!), was to read about the moment Amber and Bray were finally reunited. It took me 96% on my Kindle to read the words I had dreamed of since the beginning of Series 4 in 2003:

“She ran flat out towards Bray, breaking down in wracking, heaving sobs, convulsing her entire body.
Bray fought to contain his own emotion, his clothes torn and ravaged, blood still oozing from his wounds, his eyes swollen from his injuries filling with tears, overspilling down his battered, bruised face.
A surge of adrenalin raced trough his entire body. And he, too, started to run, stumbling, still weak.
Jay stood motionless by the doorway, watching as Bray and Amber finally connected, each throwing their arms around the other. Neither could speak. They were so overcome. And clung tightly to each other.
It was so moving that even Jay had difficulty in containing his own emotion while he watched Bray and Amber locked in their embrace, a cast iron grip, as if now they had been reunited here, of all places, and had found themselves, they would never let each other go.”

I’m honest here, nothing could ever replace that wonderful feeling I felt while reading this part, and I would never want to trade the tears I cried during it for anything else. Knowing that the two characters I had bonded with all these years back, were, after so many horrible events and obstacles, finally back together…it was beyond beautiful.

I know all of this sounds pathetic and childish and whatnot, but I don’t care. I really don’t. Because even if it’s only a story, what it’s telling you is that anything is possible, if you just never give up on your hopes and dreams. No matter how many rocky roads you find on your journey, no matter how many obstacles emerge infront of you, you have to cling to what’s most important to you. You have to have faith that evenutally, everything will work out. And I think it’s a beautiful message.

And in my opinion, there are way worse things in life than being vaulted back into your 14-year-old self, to a part of your past that impressed you so much it was able to give you hope and strength for whatever life throws at you.

Book Review: Chris Carter – “One By One”

‘I need your help, Detective. Fire or water?’
Detective Robert Hunter of the LAPD’s Homicide Special Section receives an anonymous call asking him to go to a specific web address – a private broadcast. Hunter logs on and a show devised for his eyes only immediately begins. But the caller doesn’t want Detective Hunter to just watch, he wants him to participate, and refusal is simply not an option. Forced to make a sickening choice, Hunter must sit and watch as an unidentified victim is tortured and murdered live over the Internet. The LAPD, together with the FBI, use everything at their disposal to electronically trace the transmission down, but this killer is no amateur, and he has covered his tracks from start to finish. And before Hunter and his partner Garcia are even able to get their investigation going, Hunter receives a new phone call.
A new website address. A new victim. But this time the killer has upgraded his game into a live murder reality show, where anyone can cast the deciding vote.

Oh my sweet Lord.

Officially, this book isn’t even available in Germany yet, but as Chris Carter is one of my 3 favourite authors of all time, I couldn’t wait and already got it for my Kindle. And good God, am I glad I did.

It often happens that you’re reading a book that’s so gripping, has so much suspense that you feel like you just can’t put it away even for a second. I think a lot of people can relate to that. But has anyone ever read a book that was so gripping that you didn’t want to read it too quickly because then it would be over too soon?

“One By One” did this exact thing to me.

I will not be giving anything away by explaining the entire story here, but the three people that are being killed during this book are being tortured in the worst possible ways I have ever read about, and I have to admit, one of the killing methods gave me the absolute creeps.I still feel a shiver going through me when I just think about it. But if you are a person who loves these kinds of books, thriller with a lot of brutality – psychological brutality as well as physical – then this book is the best choice for you (just as it was for me). For the first time ever, Chris Carter even goes as far as enter the holy grounds of Carlos Garcia’s personal life, which was shocking and exciting at the same time – you read certain chapters and you read and read, because you just feel the physical need to know how it ends for him.

What I especially love about this book is the hidden message behind it. People are publicly voting for someone else’s destiny without any remorse. If that is possible nowadays (I know this is just fiction, but still, there are possibilities everywhere…the human mind can be cruel), the reader might be asking him-/herself how far the world has come, what big of an impact do social media websites and the internet in general have on everyone’s life?

And the end…wow. I had tears in my eyes at one certain of the last few sentences, and I felt a slight heartache throughout the entire last chapter, because from what is said, you have no idea how it will go on from there, if the damage that has been done will ever be fully repaired. And me as a huge lover of the Hunter/Garcia story/bromance, it’s almost impossible to wait for Chris Carter’s next masterpiece. In one of my earlier blog posts about my all-time favourite books I’ve already talked about their friendship (by the example of “The Crucifix Killer”), and I still think they are the best detective team I have ever read about. There is so much friendship, respect, humour and whatnot between them that you might actually forget that they are not even real, that they are just made up characters, and you just wish they were real, that you knew them. And the fact that in “One By One”, you get to see more of the serious sides of both of them is really interesting for a change, compared to all the witty, snippy comments and amicably banter that the reader gets to see in the other books.

All in all, “One By One” is one of the best thriller novels I have read in a very very long time. First time a book is so gripping I never want it to end and prolonged reading chapter after chapter. So I really hope Chris Carter doesn’t wait too long to publish a new thriller, even if it’s a big thing to wish for, considering this novel has just been published.

Well done, Mr. Carter. You and Mr. Stephen King now share one and the same step on my “That one author that will forever be my hero” podium. Congratulations.

 

Cover Songs are bad spirit…aren’t they?

There is a saying out there somewhere among people that says that the basic thing the TV Show “Glee” does is ruining original songs by turning them into miserable, horrible covers. Now, I’m not as much of a fan anymore as I used to be at the beginning (because in my opinion, that series made a massive way downwards from a certain point in Season 3 on), but I still watch it, and yes – for the songs.

Over the past years there have been loads and loads of covers from the Cast, songs which were horrible, even before being covered (I’m just going to throw “Friday” in here, that says everything), songs that weren’t horrible before but then, after they were performed on the show, were ruined. And then, there are the songs that I seriously, seriously despised from the moment they were released. Each to their own, and basically, most of the songs I hate nowadays are the ones everyone else seems to like, so maybe I am the real problem here. But fact is, for me, “Glee” has these tiny moments that make me fall in love for a song that I hated before.

One of the biggest examples I can name is definitely “Defying Gravity”. I have never watched the musical “Wicked”, where that song is originated in. Neither did I ever have any ambition to – and the fact that Chris Colfer sang the song in Season 1 with one of the most annoying voices ever didn’t help. Now I’m going to be slated by everyone, so I’m quickly going to say that he has developed. His voice got a lot deeper, and when, a week back, the song was performed again on the current 5th Season (together with Lea Michele & Amber Riley) – I fell in love with it. I have heard the musical version of the song, and it has never been “mine” at all, I’m just not a sucker for love songs/ballads on a show (only very rarely). But the Season 5 version of the song gives me goosebumps to no end and – which is even more important – has now made me plan my 1st visit to the show at the Victoria Apollo Theatre in London somewhen in July.

Another good example are the songs “We Are Young”  & “Some Nights” of the band FUN. I never liked the band, neither did I like their songs, sorry. But the “Glee” Cast versions of these two songs always make me massively smile whenever I hear them. The vocals of everyone together are insane, in my opinion.

And then…there is Michael Jackson. Don’t get me wrong, may he rest in peace forever. I just always despised him. I had no respect for him due to all this face surgery thing with him, his weird character and behaviour and…I don’t know. His music gave me absolutely NOTHING when I listened to it. Then the Michael Jackson-themed episode on in Season 3 came. I’m not going to lie, until this day forward, the songs in that certain episode remain few of my favourites from the entire show. Whenever I hear “Smooth Criminal”, I’m totally rocking it in my mind, have the scene with Naya Rivera & Grant Gustin in my head. Listening to “Black & White” even makes me love Chris Colfers voice to a certain extent, because he has amazing vocals at a certain part in the song. Not to speak about the “Thriller/Heads Will Roll” mash-up in Season 2 – boom, that one always gets me.

There are so many songs on that show that in general don’t really bother me, but whenever I hear them being performed on that show, I notice how I start bopping my head to the tunes, tipping my feet on the ground. And hell, there are a few more than talented people on that Cast, especially Lea Michele, Amber Riley, Darren Criss & Naya Rivera (seriously, her version of “Girl On Fire” is loads and loads and loads better than that awful Alicial Keys version!!!). I think these 4 are few of the most underrated singers/actors that I have ever seen performing (on a screen). Their voices and performances give me goosebumps, and the songs that they are singing are most often the songs on the show that I disliked beforehand and fall in love with after watching them perform them.

So my opinion is: no, “Glee” does NOT ruin original songs (apart from the fact that they have a few killer songs that are originated on the show itself, “Loser Like Me” will always be my all-time favourite), neither does the show diminish the value that the actual performers have for their songs, whenever they sing them on a stage at a concert or even in a musical. In fact, I think that when certain songs are sung on “Glee”, they get even more attention than before, and that is everything else but a bad thing.

This all, of course, is only my personal opinion, but I feel sorry for the show/the actors for being slated so much after performing certain songs on the show, and it pisses me off to no end, because everyone on that show is talented in their own way and they deserve a bit of respect and appreciation for what they do. After all, it’s not as easy as everyone thinks to walk in the footsteps of a Michael Jackson, Adele, Madonna or whoever. It takes guts.

And these actors have them. Period.

Dialogue In The Dark

While I was visiting my best friend in Hamburg this weekend, she came up with a new idea what we could do: “Dialogue In The Dark”. You ask – what is that?

Basically, it’s an exhibition, more like some kind of a tour, where you can see…nothing. You go through a couple of rooms that are pitch black, you don’t see anything at all, you can only rely on your smelling and hearing senses. A blind guide is walking you through all “exhibits”, asks you what you sense and feel, and you’re able to ask him/her questions about their job in these dark rooms, their life as blind or visually handicapped people.

I have to admit, at first I wasn’t sure if that was something for me. On the one hand, my best friend had told me about it (she had done the tour twice already), and the way she described it, it sounded really interesting; plunging into darkness to get a feeling how blind people cope in their every day life. On the other hand, when we were given our blindman’s sticks and the advise that when we couldn’t take the darkness anymore (we were a group of 8 people plus our guide, Mario), we would immediately be helped out of there…I felt a lump in my throat. I have never experienced seeing absolutely nothing, let alone being in complete darkness over a timeframe of 90 minutes with complete strangers. But I knew there was no going back once I held the stick in my hand.

And god, was I glad that I didn’t pull out there and then (which was maybe also because I had paid 19€ for he tour and I am not somebody to easily waste money).

It was one of the most interesting things I have ever done. Our guide – who was absolutely hilarious and had no inhibitions to make fun of being blind every now and then, – first made us all introduce ourselves, then we had to just listen to the sounds that were ahead of us. We slowly walked from room to room, including small bridges, a few small steps, round walls, a room full of different spices and smells and some kind of grocery store where real fruits and vegetables were on display (we had to guess what they were when we were able to get our hands on them). Plus, for a couple of minutes we were sat onto a small boat and our guide “sailed” us over to the other side, with a light breeze going around us, and after that, we rested in a room where a CD was played with a bit of music or just several sounds, like rain, or underwater/diving sounds, walking over a seashore, etc…

It was an amazing experience, and Mario, helped alot with that. He never failed to explain us everything, and he walked us through the darkness like we were the same – which, apparently, we were for these 90 minutes. One of the most remarkable things was the fact how insanely good his hearing is. There was one of these moments where we had to walk past him and he asked if everyone was there, saying their names when they went past him and through the next door. At one point, it was my turn, but before I said my name, I said something else to my best friend, and to my surprise, Mario went: “Tanja is there, too…” For a moment, I was almost speechless because he had recognized me purely because of my voice. Now I don’t know if his hearing is just stunningly developed or my voice is so weird it’s easy to remember – but it doesn’t matter. That moment impressed me a lot.

After the tour, we all went through the last door into a dark bar (funny, eh, considering that EVERYTHING during that tour was nothing but dark, ha-ha), and we got the chance for a face-to-face conversation (I am so not funny, I know) with Mario. He told us that he has been blind from birth on, and that he mostly does his grocery or clothes shopping with someone close to him, someone he trusts so they can tell him which is what and what color of clothes looks good on him or fits together with other colors. We were even told that there is a device that can tell you – simply when you hold it agains the fabric, – which color it has! It was weird to then think about that he had never ever seen ANY color at all, and it was interesting to ponder about how it would be if you had no idea at all about any color there is in the world  – something I just can’t imagine, to be honest. Not knowing about what red looks like, or blue, or the different kinds of red, like bordeaux or something…it’s just too much for me to even begin to realize.
Mario also told us that he had been a computer programmer for a long time and only quit the job because it didn’t go well with his long-distance-relationship. Overstimulation for me right there. I mean…you might think it’s not possible that you can programme anything on a computer when you’re blind, even if nowadays, there are ways to help with it, but I swear to you, he was serious. And I believed him. So did everyone else. It was mindblowing.

At the end of the tour/day, I can say: what an amazing experience. If anybody of you ever gets the opportunity to do a tour like that – do it, you won’t regret it. It was one of the most interesting things to slip into the role of a blind person, of someone who has to cope with their handicap 24/7, to get a feeling of how life could be.

Plus, it showed me once more how lucky I actually am. I am healthy, I can walk, I can hear, I can speak and I can see. I am so lucky. I do not even want to think about the possibility to be blind one day, simply because all my life I was able to see everything; my best friend and I agreed that it must be a lot easier for someone to be blind from birth than later, because then…well, let’s just say, for me, it is one of the most horrible things to know what the world looks like and then one day – everything’s pitch black. Just thinking about it and there is a shudder going through my entire body.

Now I have an even higher respect of blind people than I already did. What they are able to accomplish every day of their life – wow. Just wow.

Book Review: John Green – “The Fault In Our Stars”

This is going to be a very different review of the book than my wonderful friend Laura – on who’s behalf I bought and read it, – did on her blog. You can read it here http://mysticmonkey86.wordpress.com/2014/02/15/wow/. It’s a wonderful review of hers, trust me.

Anyway, back to the book. I totally agree with Laura: the book is cruel. It’s excruciatingly gruesome, reading about a sixteen-year-old girl named Hazel that is supposed to have her entire life infront of her but has to face the fact that it will be way shorter than expected every day because she’s been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. The Support Group her parents put her into is never more than a dull experience that she goes through with her mind drifting somewhere else. To everyone, she appears as heroic, a fighter, because she lived already three years longer than her doctors ever thought she would, thanks to oxygen tanks and strong meds.

Then her life changes when she meets Augustus Waters at one of these Support Group meetings.

Just as Laura, the moment he shows up in the book, I am in total awe for him. He’s witty, never gets tired of snippy comments, goes through life with literally living by the motto “Live everydays as if it would be your last”. And that is one of the things I have the highest respect for. He shows Hazel how much life still has to offer even when you’re terminally ill, I’d go so far as to say that he shows her the stars without having to ride up to the sky, if that makes sense. He makes me want to have someone like that in my life, who doesn’t care who somebody is, what they look like, if they’re sick or healthy, someone who just takes another person the way they are, no questions asked. My favourite part therefor is – without a doubt, – the one where he lets his best friend Isaac do something so essentially freeing (at least in my opinion) and, at the same time, selfless, while talking to Hazel as if nothing could be bothering him, that you have no other option than to fall for him head over heels (if he wasn’t a fictional character, of course). I loved that part. Deeply.

What I don’t share with Laura is the fact how much this book touched me deep inside. Yes, I was sitting on the tram to work with my jaw literally wide open when I got to the part where something is revealed that I would’ve never expected to happen at all. Yes, I had to pull myself together to not start crying in public. And yes, it was the cruelest turn I would have imagined in a book where I thought there couldn’t lie any surprises for me. From that page on, I couldn’t stop reading, and I read through the rest of the book like there was no tomorrow.

But fact also is: I didn’t really like the end. I mean…John Green makes such a big fuss about Hazel’s favourite book that ends just midsentence, with so many questions still unanswered…and in some way, that’s exactly what he does to his own book. I still have questions. And it bugs me. It might be a stroke of genius, but still. It bugs me.

Plus…call me cold-hearted, unemotional or whatever, but the book just didn’t change me. I say it again, it’s cruel to read about such an intense subject, it really is, but I’m not sitting here now, thinking how short life is. Basically, because I do that all day. There is nothing I fear more than dying, and I’m fighting the thought of it every single day to the hardest. I’m not seeing the beauty in everything now, I live my life exactly the way I did before.

I admire the talent John Green has proven with this book, and I understand why it has become such a best seller – because it is. But for me, no matter how heart-wrenching, touching and impressing it was…I read better ones. Who knows, maybe it’s just because I normally read completely different kind of books.  Maybe I just don’t get the book. Maybe I just don’t get the message it carries with it. Maybe I’m just amazingly stupid.

But what I do think is: John Green has written about one of the most delicate subjects mankind knows, and he has done it well. Very well. His writing skill is amazing, and the way he’s presented the characters to the reader is stunning. He deserves all the praise he has ever gotten and will ever get for this novel.

He didn’t totally reach me with it, but that does not, in any way, diminish his talent. Go read the book for yourself, make up your own mind and decide how you feel about it. Because this is the most beautiful thing about books: everyone has a different view of them, everyone sees something different in them, decides for themselves the effect is has on them.

And sometimes, they can even change lives. Just as Augustus did change Hazel’s life.

Top 5 Books Of All Times

After my last post about the Top 5 books by Stephen King, I thought it might also be a good idea to do one about the Top 5 books ever – please note that this is just my personal opinion and what I think at this point of my life.

1. Stephen King – Pet Sematary

What a surprise. You can read my full opinion here https://dreamtraveler86.wordpress.com/2014/02/12/top-5-books-by-stephen-king/ where this book has also the first place in my favourite Stephen King reading list. Basically, no matter how much my taste in books will shift in the future, this one will be always be the biggest book love of my life, because it’s the one that started my madness for King and reading in general.

2. Cody McFadyen – Shadow Man

What can I say about this? If you generally love horror movies and books that are brutally detailed and cruel – Cody McFadyen is your man. This was the first books he ever wrote, and the 2nd one that I read (after “Face Of Death”) – and boy, I will never regret it. For me, there are barely really compelling books out there, books that grab you, pull you into their story and don’t let go until you’re finished with the last page of it – this book did that with me. And more importantly, it was the moment I started writing on my own book a few years back because I was so inspired by McFadyen’s writing skills and his ability to reach out to his readers in ways not many authors nowadays are able to.
I absolutely love the story behind Smoky Barrett in general: she has been tortured, her face has been scarred for life, and a psychopathic murderer killed her husband and daughter, leaving her no other option than shooting him in cold blood. Nevertheless, she stood up again, walked back to her job and did what she does best, and that’s quite inspiring for me (even if I would never wish the horrors her character has been through, or other characters in McFadyen’s book for myself), because behind all the layers of gruesome, bloody and life-scarring proceedings, all the fall-backs Smoky and her colleagues/friends are facing through the story, they all never give up. Combined with the suspense that never leaves the reader with this book – what more can you wish for?

3. Suzanne Collins – The Hunger Games Trilogy

I know this isn’t just one book mentioned, but when mentioning “The Hunger Games”, you can’t just go with one of them, can you? My favourite by far is the first one – first book I read in less than a day because I just couldn’t put it away (don’t ask me how I was able to work 8 hours that day and managing my own household). Suzanne Collins had me from the first moment I started reading, and I absolutely admire her writing skills, her passion (that you feel in every sentence), and her seemingly inexhaustible imagination. Sadly, I was a bit…”deprived” of imagining the looks of Katniss and all the characters or the districts because I only started reading the books when the first pictures of the first movie were released, but I think I can easily get over that, because it didn’t diminish the joy and excitement I felt while reading. Or, for that matter, the joy and excitement I feel whenever I re-read them over and over again.

4. Chris Carter – The Crucifix Killer

When the body of a young woman is discovered in a derelict cottage in the middle of Los Angeles National Forest, Homicide Detective Robert Hunter finds himself entering a horrific and recurring nightmare. Naked, strung from two wooden posts, the victim was sadistically tortured before meeting an excruciatingly painful death. All the skin has been ripped from her face – while she was still alive. On the nape of her neck has been carved a strange double-cross: the signature of a psychopath known as the Crucifix Killer. But that’s impossible. Because two years ago, the Crucifix Killer was caught and executed. Could this therefore be a copycat killer? Or could the unthinkable be true? Is the real killer still out there, ready to embark once again on a vicious and violent killing spree, selecting his victims seemingly at random, taunting Robert Hunter with his inability to catch him? Hunter and his rookie partner are about to enter a nightmare beyond imagining. (Source: amazon.com)

When I read this description on the back of the book while I was strolling through a book store while waiting for my bus home – I was instantly in love. I have never experienced that already the back of a book gripped me so tight and screamed “BUY ME! BUY ME!” loudly into my ear.
And Chris Carter definitely didn’t disappoint me. What I especially love about the book is the beginning: it begins at the end. I can’t say much to not give away the story, but the reader is already sucked into the world of Robert Hunter and Carlos Garcia, his partner when you read the first paragraph; it’s like you are fast-forwarded to the end of something and feel the constant need to know how on earth the two main characters got themselves into their mess. Plus, the little puns between Hunter and Garcia are highly entertaining, and they pull you out of the horrors that they are facing every day with just some teasing comments about Hunter not having problems in hustling women and Garcia being kind of “prudish”. This is what makes this book one of my favourites and Chris Carter definitely one of the best crime-fiction writers that are out there – in my opinion.

5. Laurence Rees – Auschwitz-A New History

Now how does this book possibly fit into this line of great story-telling books? For starters: Laurence Rees is telling a story, the story of Auschwitz, about what was really going on behind the scenes of this Nazi killing machinery. Never has a book about the Third Reich sucked me in as much as this one; especially the part about the poor french, jewish children that were taken away from their parents and had to suffer in more than one concentration camp, just to end up in Auschwitz anyway. Rees is definitely not soft-pedaling in the way he describes all the horrors in the almost 4 years Auschwitz existed, and for me, this is the exact right way to handle this subject – because there are still way too many people out there who think the Holocaust was just a huge lie put up by the enemies of the Nazi-Regime. Also, the book contains not only interviews with survivors of Auschwitz, but most importantly, interviews with former members of Hitler’s circle of murderous, faithful subjects. It seems inconceivable to read about these people describing how they perceived the entire situation, how less sympathy they feel for their victims. You’re tend to feel so much hate, but at the same time, Laurence Rees tries explaining the reasons for their behaviour, which, for me, makes it even more interesting. If you’re as interested in the entire Holocaust History (and the 3rd Reich in general) like I am, you always crave to finally understand all the real motivations behind the Nazi-Regime and their concentration camps – and this book definitely helps a bit with that. For me, the best book about this subject I’ve read so far.

There are a lot of other books that should be in here – “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn, for example, or one of the amazing books by Karin Slaughter, – but the ones in this post inspired me the most. If you have read them or not, if you plan on reading them or not, that is totally up to you, because, above all, do what makes you happy. And read what you enjoy the most.

Sometimes the muse that visits you is an old man.

And my old man is Stephen King.

Since I can think, I always loved reading and writing. Short Stories, fanfictions, anything that came to mind. When I was young, I used to make up a lot of stuff that evolved around the “Star Wars” universe, and wrote it down. Or my stories were set in the “The Tribe” universe (a series I mentioned on here once, if you have kept your eyes open). I’m not saying I was a good writer – god knows there are people out there that are way better than me, and there always will be – but I guess I had a lot of time as a kid.

I wasn’t allowed to watch TV most of the time since I was 13, so I started burying my head into magazines, books, newspapers, everything I could get my grip on. Thank God for that. And one day, I think I was 10 or 11, while I was home alone, I stumbled upon a certain DVD my mother’s husband owned: “IT” by Stephen King. I had heard about it, that it was about a creepy, murderous clown, and since I somehow always had been into Horror Movies alot (I hear the psychiatrists scream in terror about what a disturbed child/teenager I was), I put the movie into the DVD player at 1pm and secretly sat infront of the TV. And what can I say: the movie kind of scared the shit out of me. I say “kind of” because I didn’t switch it off and was afraid to be home alone, or kept the doors locked or even had nightmares about it. First thing I thought during the scene where the little boy, George, gets pulled into the drain by Pennywise was: “Damn, too bad that scene is rated!” Oh yes, I definitely might have been disturbed, thinking that there was not enough blood in that scene. Anyways. That movie impressed me as the first Horror Movie I’ve seen. If you know it, you know how bad it actually is, compared to the book. And there is my transition. I’m a genius.

The book is written by the King of Horror himself, Mr. Stephen King. And from the moment I watched that movie, he kind of was my hero. I immediately tried to get my hands on a lot of his books, which was difficult, considering I never had a lot of money and no one in my family has ever been interested in reading! First book I got of King, I think, was “The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon”, which I got for Christmas a year or two later. It’s a bad book (sorry, Stephen), most of it is boring and you wait for the big, murderous ending. Surprise: there is none. But as soon as I got my hands on that book, I was under Mr. King’s spell. Soon after I had finished it, I spent the little money I had on my first self-bought book of him: “Dreamcatcher”. And that was the moment there was no going back for me from the King of Horror.

Today, when I think back, it’s not even a very challenging book; there is a lot of scatology in it, unnecessarily. But it had a lot of blood and killings in it, and that was the reason I absolutely loved it. Something about King’s writing style completely took hold of me; despite the bad language in it at times, he wrote like some little man next door, like someone who might be living in my neighbourhood. He used an easy language, a language everybody could identify with (that sounds so wrong, but I can’t help it). He didn’t just sugarcoat anything to be liked and get good critics, no. He didn’t give a crap about what anyone might think. He didn’t give up after his first few stories were a flop, when “Carrie” was rejected the first time he had sent it in, back in the ’70’s. He didn’t give up after his horrible accident where he had been run over by a car. He kept going, came back to life, and he still did his thing without a care what others might think about his writing.

And wow, did that impress me. I started writing even more short stories, got my hands on as many books as possible and simply spent every free minute I had on writing or reading. The ideas just flew into my head, and my motivation was on a level that was higher than anything I had ever experienced.

A few years passed, I started my apprenticeship when I turned 18, finally moved out into my own flat, forgot about my own writing skills and instead, my collection of King’s books grew. Among the books I got was also his autobiography “On Writing”. Safe to say barely a book has enchanted me like that one has. I absorbed every little advise about writing books that there was, I read passages over and over again, thinking about them over and over, and slowly began to fully understand the process of writing. Until today, it is the only dog-eared book I own, and to all the pages I keep going back to every now and then. Because that book – among all I had read of him over the past 15 years – was my one true inspiration. I started to get ideas for my own book, for a short story, and I thumbed through his autobiography over and over, because, hands down – I am a damn perfectionist. I wanted to do everything right, like King had “shown” me.

The result of it was a story that was everything else but short:  a thriller, 15 chapters written so far, the end of the book was already in the making a few years back. I had researched quite a few things about a coroner’s work in the US, police investigations, weather informations in the east of the US, etc. I even had found a few internet pages that gave me addresses to sent my story to, for a chance to be published. I wanted to do it right.

Then unfortunate things happened to me. And I stopped writing. I ran out of ideas and motivation. And I don’t think I will ever be able to pick up where I’ve left off; I know that as soon as I’ll start re-reading everything, I will start correcting alot, seeing the flaws in my storyline, realizing that I’m not even close to be a good, successful writer, and eventually throw it away. And although I don’t owe anybody anything with that story, I hate myself for letting myself down like this. I feel like I owe it to Mr. King to try and keep going.

And then, a few days back, I was told by a friend that my blogs on here were amazing, well-written and simply touching. It was like kind of a wake-up call. I suddenly felt the old electric feeling inside my stomach again, that feeling I got when I was about to start writing again. Motivation. Then my best friend who lives about 4,5 hours away from me told me on November, 21st, that my mentor, my inspiration, my one true hero, Mr. Stephen King himself, had been in her hometown for a public reading at their Congress Center. First I was shattered to the core; it was his first time ever in Germany and I knew I’d never get such a chance again to see my idol in person. Then something stirred in me again, and I spontaneously decided to post a part of one of my fanfiction stories on here (if you’re interested, take a look at the post before this one), to see what people think, to see if I was still able to write after all these years. I haven’t heard back from anybody yet, but I know true and honest opinions take time – no one wants half-hearted reactions. And after all, I’m writing for myself, as kind of an escape, not for some attention-whoring, to be noticed or become a star.

I’m still very far away from where I once used to be, and I will take baby steps at writing again. But I feel that a bit of the old fire has started to rise inside of me again. Maybe I will read Mr. King’s autobiography once more. Because I trust him to be my inspiration again. When I was a kid, a teenager, his books, his stories, the things he had to tell to the world, were my escape. They showed me that even the smallest person, the most hurt person is able to reach their goals, if they are willing to put all of their heart into it and don’t care how many times they get rejected or how often bad criticism is trying to get the better of them.

So yes, after drifting far off with this, I can proudly say: Mr. Stephen King is my muse. For others, he might only be a simple writer, an old man. But for me, he is way more.

He’s my hero. And he will always be.